Cycling Weekly – July 25, 2019

Cycling Weekly | July 25, 2019 | 61

committed cyclists enjoy more than taking
a hammering from the pros. The bigger the
hammering, the happier they are. This is,
frankly, weird.
Personally, I’ve never had a thrashing
I enjoyed. I’ve had the chance to race
some good bike riders in actual person,
rather than via Strava. I’ve had bespoke
mano-a-mano
beatings from Sir
Bradley Wiggins,
Geraint Thomas,
To n y Ma r t i n ,
Taylor Phinney,
Cadel Evans,
Chris Boardman
and many, many
more. As I believe I may have mentioned,
I beat Chris Froome not once but twice,
and I sincerely hope this is something
that haunts his dreams, but when it comes
down to it I’ve been shown my place in the
scheme of things, and I don’t like it.
My personal conviction is that I’m
best. I deserve to win. Why would anyone

enjoy a beating, however august the rider?

The last international event I rode was

the Glasgow Commonwealth Games, and

most of my friends wanted me to take as

big a hiding as possible, not out of personal

antipathy (or so I prefer to believe), but so

that they could get beaten by A lex Dowsett

and David Millar vicariously. One of them

afterwards said

wistfully, “I thought

you’d get beaten

by more.” It was

clear he didn’t mean

“thought”, he

meant “hoped”.

What seems

grossly unfair is

that there seems to be some sort of special

exemption where I’m concerned. When I

pointed out to my Quintana-worshipping

mate that he’d gone a damn sight less gooey

when I’d walloped his lardy ass up the local

club hill-climb championships, his reply

was simply, “Don’t be stupid. Getting

beaten by you is just embarrassing.”

A letter from an anonymous reader:

As usual during the Tour, I find

that when I go for a ride I can hear

the voices of Ned Boulting and David

Millar commentating on what I’m

doing. Normally this provides a bit

of motivation.

Last week, on a slippery downhill

corner, I lost the back wheel, caught it

again, and flew over the high side into a

drystone wall. As I flew through the air,

I swear I heard Ned exclaim, “Oh no!”

And as I lay in a dazed heap at the

foot of the wall, he said, “How’s he

going to explain this to the wife?” To

which David Millar replied, “I think this

time it’s a divorce for sure.” And Ned

said, “Who’d want to be married to

someone with bike-handling like that?”

And they laughed cruelly.

ACTS OF CYCLING

STUPIDITY

Measuring yourself unfavourably against

the pros is a masochistic delight

“Personally,

I’ve never had

a thrashing I

enjoyed”

Ph

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