And Chorlton says he knows
exactly why his good name has
been trashed so convincingly.
He told us: “These nympho
womenaregettingtheirrevenge
on me because I turned down
their sexual advances.”According to Wheelie, who has lived
in Preston all his life except for a 2-year
sabbatical in London, an 18-month
sabbatical in Durham and a 6-month
suspended sabbatical, it’s simply a
case of sour grapes from his former
customers. “They say Hell hath no fury
likeawomanspurned,”hesaid.“Andlet
me tell you, they’re right.”“I spurned all them birds when they
cameontome,andnowtheyaregetting
their revenge by dragging my good
character through the dirt.”Cold shower
Chorlton’s problems began on hisfi rst
job. After placing an advert in his local
free-ads paper advertising his freelance
landscape design, water features and
exotictopiarystart-up,hewascontacted
by a prospective customer who wanted
a concrete shed base smashing up and
taking away. Wheelie gave her a cash
quote and the job was his.She asked when I could come
round and start work. I explained
that I’d been booked to re-design a box
hedge maze at a nearby NationalTrust
property that week, but they’d had to
cancel at the last minute, so I could
go round and set-to straight away.Ten
minutes later, I was stood in her back
yard, braying the old concrete with a
sledge hammer.It was hot work, and after I’d been at
itforanhourorso,theladyofthehouse
came out with a cup of tea for me. As
I necked my cuppa, I eyed her up and
down. She was pretty good looking, in
a blousy sort of way, with dyed blonde
hair, big tits and long legs. I noticed that
she never took her eyes off me, licking
herlipsandstaringatmycrotchthrou
my trackie bottoms as I drank my
tea.Eventually she spoke. ‘Braying
at that concrete looks like hot work,
Chorlton,’ she said. ‘Why don’t you
come in the house and have a nice
coolingshower?’‘I’m feeling quite hot myself,’
she continued, licking her lips
seductively. ‘I think I might join you
in there.’Now I’ve got nothing against being
friendly with my customers, but what
this bird was suggesting was strictly
out of order, and I lost no time in telling
her so. She seemed quite offended, like
she wasn’t used to having her sexual
advances refused by tradesmen. ‘You’d
be well advised to reconsider,’ she told
me. ‘Or you might regret it.’rubble
I turned her downflat again and, with
a face like thunder, she stormed back
inside while I carried on knacking the
concrete until the whole shed base was
in bits.The price I’d quoted on the phone
includedremovaloftherubble,soIchucked
the lumps over the neighbours’ wall and it
was job done. I’d got the cash up front, soI
gotinmyvanandsetoffhome,nevergiving
my customer’s earlier, unwanted sexual
advancesasecondthought.ButwhenIpulledintomystreet,Isaw
therewasapolicecarparkedoutsidemy
house. It didn’t strike me as particularly
unusual, as thefilth often call round on
a variety of misunderstandings of one
sort or another. When I got out of my
van,oneofthepigsapproachedmeand
told me I’d been spotted stealing a load
of women’s underwear from a washing
line at the property I had just left.He asked me if he could take a look in
thebackofmyvan.ItoldhimIhadnothing
tohide,butIhadunfortunatelylostthekey
momentsearlier,sohimandhiscolleague
poppedthebackdoorswithacrow-bar.What I saw when those van doorsswung open made my bloodrun cold.
The busty housewife whose unwanted
sexual advances I had earlier spurned
had clearly secreted several items of
her sexy underwear in there while I was
braying her shed base, then called the
police to make a false accusation that
she had seen me stealing them off
the line. Which I hadn’t.pebbles
My blood ran even colder as that
bird’s words of warning came back
to me: ‘You’d be well advised to
reconsider. Or you might regret it.’At that moment, I suddenly
remembered another job I had to
goto,andranoffasfastasIcould.
Thefilthcompletelymisunderstood
the situation and immediately gave
chase in their jam sandwich. They
caught me a couple of hundred yards
downtheroadwhenIstoppedtogetmy
breath back and have a spew.I was arrested, taken back to the
station and charged with knicker theft.
Ontheadviceofmybrief,Iadmittedguilt
and accepted a caution, even though I
was completely innocent. As I left the
station four hours later with my good
reputation slightly tarnished, I ruefully
reflected that the blonde piece had got
her revenge on me, and vowed never
to fall victim to sexual blackmail
again.W
HEN Preston-based freelance
horticulturalist ChorltonWheelie
launched his landscape gardening
business earlier this year, the jobs came fl ooding
in and he thought he had found his niche. But
the unmarried 58-year-old’s dream of using his
greenfi ngers to earn an honest living soon turned
into a nightmare, after all his female customers
set about destroying his reputation with detailed
accusations of theft and inappropriate behaviour.EXCLUSIVE!
SAVEMEFROMTHESE
Gardener’s world turned upside down by bunny boilers
‘‘
Garden of iniquity:58-year-old Chorlton’s dream job became a nightmare.Box clever:A maze similar to the
one that Chorltonwas booked to
design for the NationalTrust.‘‘
‘I’m feeling quite hot
myself,’ she continued,
licking her lips
seductively. ‘I think I
might join you in there.’