Dr Shefali Batra, Psychiatrist and Cognitive Therapist, is the
Founder of Mindframes and Co-founder of InnerHour.
She is available at [email protected].
Read more at mindframes.co.in and theinnerhour.comand so much more. On one side we’re
new to everything but on the other
we don’t like to be told what to do
because we want to discover things
for ourselves. This leaves us with a
flustered mindset. This can be quite a
stuffy and claustrophobic feeling.
Sort yourself
Be open to new experiences, as
well as suggestions.
Expand your horizon; learn from
mistakes, too.
Be open and welcoming to any
kind of feedback.‘I’m alone’
How do we react when our parents
treat us like we’re little children? Or
when teachers ridicule our grades?
Or the tennis coach rubbishes our
performance, seeming ever so
dissatisfied with all our moves?
And what happens when two of our
friends meet for a sleepover and we’re
not invited? Do we feel neglected,
betrayed and unloved? Disrespected,
insulted, abandoned? We need it to
be about us all the time and we like to
be the centre of the world’s attention.
Just imagine if 7.3 billion people had
to be the epicentre of the universe,
how would the earth balance itself?
You’re never alone
Know that loneliness is different
from aloneness.
Words might hurt, but may have
been unintentional.
When you’re less touchy you will
be less exasperated.‘I’m nobody’
Within a certain context this is
true — in our teen years we haven’t
accomplished much yet and so
we could appear to be nobody.
But cut-throat competition can
get overwhelming, dampen our
motivation and make us believe
we’re incapable and inept. And
more than depressed, we begin
to feel angry. We are in constant
rivalry with friends, sibling, parents,
extended family, and recently with
the whole wide world through
our social media self-validation
compulsion. Many of us have started
basing our self-esteem on likes and
fan following, making us feel like
we’re nobody, very consistently and
effortlessly (more than ever before).
Become somebody
Compete only with yourself, and
keep getting better.
Set goals and reward yourself for
achieving them.
Slowly and steadily, toil hard to
become somebody.It feels awful when things don’t go
well. And we think they could always
be better. But then, they could always
be worse, too. If you take charge and
become accountable for everything
in your life, you will undoubtedly
tolerate frustration better.“A moment of patience in the moment
of anger, makes for many moments of
happiness.”All our reactions to events and
people around us are rooted in
automated thoughts inside our brain.
These are learned from some or the
other experience and if negative,
we make negative assumptions our
reality. Think about some of these
described below.
‘I’m stuck’
Many teenagers feel like they’re stuck
no matter what environment they’re
in. You could feel imprisoned in your
own home, trapped in school, caught
in tuition, maybe even jammed in a
friends’ group you don’t want to be in.
You sense that you don’t have freedom
to choose all or any of these scenarios
for yourself. This is insecurity. Simply
because someone else made the
decision and not you, you tend to feel
that your autonomy is challenged.
And you don’t like it. And this can
you get frustrated.
Unstick yourself
Know that obedience and humility
sets you free.
Gently accept reality that unfolds
itself to you.
Be open and accepting, and
connect with people.
‘I’m confused’
As we transcend from childhood
into adolescence and adulthood,
we begin to discover the world
and learn a lot about the universe
outside of us. This enlightens us
about who we really are. As we learn
more, we bombard our own mind
with questions about our gender
identity, food preferences, religious
affiliations, study subjects, career
choices, friendships, relationships