Page 54 Daily Mail, Wednesday, August 7, 2019
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LETTERS
Day I was taken for a
ride by a crafty pup
M
any years ago, I
agreed to take a
neighbour’s dog
for a walk over
Wanstead Flats
in East London.
She was a young, black
labrador and full of running. It
was summer and a lovely day.
We had a game of throwing a
stick into the pond and my
energetic companion plunged
in several times to retrieve it.
We had been out for a couple
of hours, but the fun came to
an end when I noticed that
she had blood on one of her
paws and was limping. I was
young and strong, so I decided
to carry my companion home
over my shoulders. She
allowed me to hoist her up
and carry her like they do in
the westerns. It was hard
going because though she was
young and slim, she was still abig dog. By the time I got her
home, I’d had enough. I put
her down in my neighbour’s
front garden. as soon as he
opened his front door, my
injured companion charged
up to her owner, without a
trace of a limp.
We checked her paw and there
was a tiny cut. The blood had
dried and she wasn’t at all
distressed. I explained what
had happened and my
neighbour said: ‘She’s conned
you! She was probably tired
and didn’t mind you carrying
her.’ apart from stiff shoulders
and a smattering of blood on
my shirt, I was fine, too.
Don Townshend,
Chelmsford, Essex.
FOLLOW-UP: Finding eggs in
the garden is nothing. On two
occasions I’ve found a salami
sausage buried in our garden!
Peter Russell,
Richmond, Surrey.Picture that!
Rhyme For
Our Times
Out of the mouths of babes
My grandSOn Will was
playing in a park near a couple
of six-year-old girls. after
attempting to impress them
with random points of general
knowledge, followed by hisfuture plans to climb Everest,
he returned to his mother and
said: ‘actually, I’m quite clever
for a four-year-old man.’
Shirley Symonds,
Danbury, Essex.Sign language
Anagram
United Kingdom of Great
Britain and Northern Ireland
=
I find broken nation trading
under grim no-deal threat
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons,
Tallahassee, Florida.Your Jokes
WE MOvEd house last year
and have gradually been
renovating. I decided to tackle
the garden, starting with a
small, overgrown pond. I
managed to clear and drain it,
but to my amazement, I found
some erotic magazines
wrapped in plastic at the
bottom. I couldn’t make head
nor tail of how they came to
be there, but my wife had a
brainwave: ‘Frogs’ porn!’
Richard Myers, London NW4.One-Line
Philosophers
n My HuSBand has a green
thumb. He’s not a good
gardener, just a bad painter.
Valerie Ashton, London N14.
n WHEn it comes to growing
carrots, it pays to know
your onions.
V. Hefter, Richmond, Surrey.SCRAMBLED EGGS
(To the tune of Yesterday
by Paul McCartney)Scrambled eggs,
People say I must have
hollow legs,
I eat scrambled eggs all day
in Greggs,
Oh, I’m obsessed with
scrambled eggs.
Suddenly,
I am twice the size I used
to be,
All that protein’s piling up
on me,
My biceps bulge alarmingly.Why they taste so great
I don’t know, I couldn’t say,
I keep gaining weight;
But I long for them each
day-ay-ay-ay.Scrambled eggs,
My long-suffering spouse
each morning begs,
Me to lay off all those
blasted eggs,
Cos I can’t get into my kegs,
But I believe in
scrambled eggs.
I. G. Fenner,
New Milton, Hants.Limerick
Jacob Rees-Mogg has
been stressing
The importance of
correctly addressing
His fellow MPs.
But excuse me, please
We all have concerns far
more pressing.
Peter Thomas,
Widnes, Cheshire.ANGRY BIRDS: I found this
warning sign in the car
park of the Lister Arms,
Malham, N. Yorks.
Roger Bradshaw,
Stanway, Colchester.PLAYING
DOUBLES:
Has anyone
else noticed
the similarity
between
Emmerdale’s
Gaynor Faye
(far left)
and tennis
player Johanna
Konta (left)?
Roger Vince,
Upper
Brynamman,
Carmarthenshire.Write to: Daily Mail Letters,
2 Derry Street, London W8 5TT
email: [email protected]PETERBOROUGH
email: [email protected]
Brexit election strategy
I STrOngLy disagree with Peter
Oborne’s assessment of a snap
general Election and his view of the
outcome (Mail).
I would counter his suggestion
that all Brexiteers will vote Tory to
prevent a coalition government
between any combination of
Labour, Libdems, the SnP and the
green Party.
after the debacle of the past three
years, there is no way that Brexit
Party voters — a vast percentage,
like me, who are former Tory voters
— will return to vote Conservative.
do I believe that Boris Johnson
and his pro-Brexit Cabinet intend
to leave on October 31? yes. do I
believe it will happen? no.
as every pundit has pointed out,
the numbers of Leave v remain
supporters in Parliament have not
changed and will not do so until we
hold a general Election.
Be left in no doubt that a general
Election will be fought as a second
referendum. The campaigners can
talk all day long about the nHS,
schools and police, but since the
referendum, this country is no
longer defined by Left v right but
by Leave v remain.
To win at the next election, there
has to be a pact between the Tories
and the Brexit Party. The remain
parties will buddy up and stand
down, as in the Brecon by-election. If
the two Leave parties do not do the
same, 17.4 million voters will have
been betrayed.
MIKE JAMES, Nottingham.Get ready to vote
I agrEE with Peter Oborne’s
confident analysis that Boris Johnson
should call a general Election before
October 31. He has nothing to lose.
His majority is simply not workable
and it’s a gamble he can take.
The Opposition is divided, Jeremy
Corbyn is unpopular and nigel
Farage can be discounted because
Boris has feverishly, energetically
promoted the government’s pro-
Brexit strategy.
The logical conclusion is to go for a
late September general Election.
I’ve got my postal vote sorted.
MARY WINDSOR,
Mansfield Woodhouse, Notts.Cash can’t cure NHS
THrOWIng money at the nHS is
not the answer. We have half the
hospital beds we had 30 years ago,
years of uncontrolled immigration
with no provision has added to the
strain, and there are as many pen
pushers as doctors and nurses.
Health tourism could be stopped
overnight: no insurance, no access to
the nHS. But it appears it’s easier to
throw money at the problem.
JUDY GOODWIN, Altofts, W. Yorks.Terrify the criminals
‘I WanT criminals to be terrified,’
new Home Secretary Priti Patel tells
the Mail. May I suggest she first
needs to greatly increase the number
of prisons so criminals start to fear
custodial sentences.
Those administering the judicial
system also need to start imposing
the sentences prescribed by law.
Only then can she increase police
resources, which can investigate and
arrest criminals, knowing justice will
be meted out. This may not go down
well with snowflakes, but the vast
majority will support such a plan.
JOHN HORNBUCKLE,
Cheadle, Cheshire.
WITH Priti Patel we have a Home
Secretary who means business. If her
words turn into action, the Conserv-
atives will prove beyond doubt they
are the party of law and order.
BRIAN MASON, Swadlincote, Derbys.
THE good news is we have a Home
Secretary who is tough on crime. The
bad news is we have a governor of
the Bank of England who keeps
talking down our currency.
GRAHAM WATSON,
Upminster, Essex.America’s gun shame
WITH the gun attacks in a Texas
Walmart and outside a nightclub in
dayton, Ohio, there have been 253
mass shootings in the u.S. this year
and that will undoubtedly increase.
Every time these massacres occur
there are calls for the tightening of
gun control laws.
But this is opposed by the powerful
nra (national rifle association). It
claims incorrectly that the Second
amendment to the u.S. Constitution
grants the right to individuals to
bear arms. What it actually grants is
the right to bear arms as part of an
organised militia.
When will those who oppose gun
control recognise the u.S. is the only
civilised country where there are
appalling mass shootings?
ROBERT READMAN, Bournemouth.
THE tragic irony of the massacre at
Walmart is that you can buy guns at
this supermarket chain. On a visit to
the u.S., I was amazed to see Walmart
had a wide range of guns and
ammunition in locked display cases
alongside the bread and milk.
However, I couldn’t buy a bottle of
bourbon. That was only available in a
liquor store where Id was required.
STEVE TARTTELIN, Norwich.Cricket collapse
Tv CrICKET pundits claim that
the modern player is overworked
because the season’s schedule is far
too demanding.
Today’s first-class cricketer has the
benefit of a fitness trainer, nutrition-
ist, psychologist and stress counsel-
lor. In the Seventies, the players’ diet
was fish and chips, steak pies and
draught beer, plus a copious number
of cigarettes.
They travelled between 20 three-
day county championship matches
and 16 John Player Sunday League
games, plus Benson & Hedges and
gillette Cup one-day competitions.
Hampshire fast bowler andy
roberts bowled more than 700 overs
in the first-class game in 1974 — twice
what the modern player would be
expected to achieve.
PETER RICKABY, Selby, N. Yorks.Dark times for Poldark
THE final series of Poldark is such a
disappointment. It is not based on
the Winston graham novels, but is
pure invention.
apart from all the new characters
who never appeared in the original
stories, several of the real characters
seem to have had brain transplants.
admittedly, there is a ten-year gap
between books seven and eight, but it
is surely not beyond the wit of the
BBC to bridge it effectively without
inventing nonsense.
What is so sad is that there is a
wealth of material in the last five
books that apparently we are never
going to see.
ross always appears to be a bit of
a scruff, looking little better than
the mine workers he employs.
doesn’t he have anything else but
black in his wardrobe?
The Seventies Tv series was much
closer to the novels, but even so
Winston graham’s disagreements
with the BBC were largely responsi-
ble for the series not being continued.HAVE you lost a relative or
friend in recent months whose
life you’d like to celebrate? Our
column on Friday’s letters page
tells the stories of ordinary
people who lived extraordinary
lives. Email a 350-word tribute
to: [email protected] or
write to: Extraordinary Lives,
Daily Mail, 2 Derry Street,
London W8 5TT. Please include a
contact phone number.CELEBRATE LIFE
OF A LOVED ONE
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