112
I
n these days of austerity, I’m
registered on lots of online sites
for private sales.
It’s wonderful. Every day they send
emails offering eyewatering bargains.
I’m afraid these offers aren’t available
to all customers. They’re specifically
for me. They say “Dear Anne,” “Hello
Anne,” “Just for you, Anne”... I can buy
prestigious brands at knock-down
prices simply by clicking “Buy now”
and entering my card number. It’s
crazy, all these products I’d never have
thought of buying: a bright red coffee
machine, a white armchair... Sure,
I don’t have the space for it but there’s
60 per cent off.
And look, here’s a plastic hanging
wardrobe to store my winter clothes.
How have I managed to live without
one of those? There are trips as well.
Only £60 a night for this palatial
hotel. Is February really the best
month to visit Morocco? Wait a
minute! Mauritius for 40 per cent
off... I’ll click on that. My heart’s
beating faster... “Sorry. This item is
no longer available.”
Never mind. Here’s a down jacket
reduced by 80 per cent. I’m just not
quite sure about the apple green colour.
Oh look, here’s an email from my
bank: What?! I’m in the red.
That’s hard to believe, with all
the savings I’m making. This month
I’ve spent £985, but I’ve saved a
whopping £623! I’ll have to explain
to the bank just how expensive it is—
making savings.
Aha! A vacuum cleaner with 52
per cent off, but only three left. I’d
better be quick. There’s no limit to
what you can save on special offers.
Although, come to think of it, is it
me who’s making the most of these
opportunities, or online opportunists
who’re making the most of me? nAnne Roumanoff is a well-known French
humourist. She lives in Paris112 • JULY 2019
The High
Cost Of Saving
ILLUSTRATION BY COLONEL MOUTARDE