COSMOPOLITAN · 123Broken ribs led me to Hannah
in 2004. It hurt to move, to
laugh even, so at house parties
I’d station myself on the sofa.
Hannah flopped down beside
me, saying she needed a break
from the crowd after a rough
day. Six hours on, neither of us
had moved. I could barely feel
my ribs any more. A few days
later, we had our first date.
Hannah’s phone rang
non-stop. She had time for
everybody – as well as working
part-time as a model and
studying for a degree, she
passionately raised money
for cancer charities. She
even persuaded me to do my
first marathon, dragging me
outside on grey mornings.
Then one day, many training
sessions later, when we’d been
together for two years, the
phone rang. It was Hannah’s
mum. She told me that while
walking home the previous
night, Hannah had been hit by a
drunk driver. There was nothing
the doctors could do. She’d
passed away at just 20 years old.
During those early months,
I had moments where I couldn’t
see the point in leaving my
bedroom. I’d swing from
sadness to anger, furious at the
driver and how cruel the world
was. It ate me up. The first time
I kissed another girl, I cried
later in the nightclub bathroom- I’d thought that, after a year,
I was ready, but I wasn’t. People
said life would get better, but
even five years later, it was only
better to an extent – I’d simply
learned to live with the grief.
I took comfort in knowing
that before Hannah’s death, she
knew just how much I loved her - I told her all the time. I began
raising money for charities in her
memory, running from Paris
to London and setting up my
own organisation, Inspired4Life.
When I felt ready to date again, I
met up with women outside my
circle, waiting a few weeks before
bringing up my relationship
history. It was never easy, and my
past was often a bigger problem
for them than for me – some
felt as if they were competing
with Hannah’s memory.
Speaking to a divorced friend
led me to an epiphany. I was –
in my own strange way – going
through a break-up, too. And,
like my friend, I had to move on.
It was painful, but I had to let
the relationship go. As much as
we had been in love, Hannah
and I would never be together
again and keeping the idea alive
in my head wasn’t doing me
any good. I let new thoughts
in: “There
are more
than seven
billion
people in
the world,
so there
must be
others
who could
make you
just as happy, but you won’t
know until you try. Really try.”
I met Sara through mutual
friends in 2016, and everything
changed. I can’t pinpoint why,
but with her, it just feels right.
We got married last summer and
I’ve never felt so fulfilled in life
or in love. Hannah’s death gave
me a greater sense of perspective- Sara and I argue, of course, but
I always try not to hold a grudge.
I relish the small moments, like
cooking together or cuddling in
front of the TV, knowing that life
really can change in an instant.
Kaveh is raising money for cancer
charities by completing a punchbag
challenge. Visit Inspired4life.org/
1millionstrikes for information
WHAT
I’VE
LEARNED
ABOUT
LOVE...
“I told her
how much
I loved her
all the time”AS TOLD TO JENNIFER SAVIN. ILLUSTRATION MARTIN IXER DESIGN
from loss
By Kaveh Fatemian, 33, who
lost his girlfriend of two years
after a hit-and-run accident