22 Workingmother.com| AUGUST/SEPTEMBER 2019
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NETFLIXremind him, because a lot of the time when he was
in the house, we were out of the house. So he
doesn’t have loads of memories of us being
together and bonding. That’s challenging.”
It made Tia worry about her own children, who
are seven years apart. The age gap is due in part to
Tia’s endometriosis, a condition in which
uterine-lining tissue grows outside the uterus,
which made getting pregnant more diffi cult for her.
She was diagnosed before starting a family, but
she probably could have received the news sooner.
She reveals that her doctor had been dismissing
her complaints for years as menstrual cramps.
“I was not fi ne. I knew something was up when I
wanted to call an ambulance because my pain was
so excruciating,” Tia says. Her friend, Alicia, told
her about a specialist who could help, though she’d
need surgery fi rst to know if it was endometriosis
for sure. “It took an African American doctor who
graduated from Harvard to diagnose me with it. And
she said this
is a disease a
lot of black
women have.”
Tia says she
has also had
friends with
physical ail-
ments get
brushed off
by their
practitioners
for beingyoung and black—and it turned out those friends
had cancer. The experience is frustratingly
common; studies have shown racial bias in pain
assessment and treatment recommendations. Her
advice when a physician isn’t taking your concerns
seriously? “Go to another doctor. A lot of doctors
don’t know everything. There are certain doctors
who care more, who do more research, who listen.
Find those doctors, because they are out there.”
She’s glad she did, because hers recommended
an anti-infl ammatory diet that mostly kept symp-
toms at bay. Still, she needed additional surgeries
to help her conceive her two little miracles.
The style in which she parents them is similar
to how the nontraditional mom she portrays on
Family Reunion does it. “My son was in my bed
until he was 4,” Tia admits. “I knew that he wasn’tgoing to be in my bed forever, and I work a lot, so
when I would come home from work, this was my
moment to cuddle and snuggle.”
She’s continued the bed-sharing tradition with
her daughter, Cairo, 1, with whom she just wrapped
up breastfeeding after an impressive 13 months.
“It didn’t last as long [with Cree] because I
didn’t have the support—from my working peers,
my bosses. Also, I didn’t have the community that I
had [this time]: the lactation consultants, friends
who have breastfed, Instagram accounts.”
In at least this one way, life didn’t imitate art; art
got in the way of life.
“I was shooting this Christmas movie in this
deserted Utah town. During a restaurant scene, the
only pumping space they had was in a lower,
lower, lower room. It was pretty massive. It
was very dusty, just cold and uncomfort-
able.” That was when things took a ghost-
story-like turn. “There was a stairwell and it
was dark. I didn’t know there was a person
living there! So they were coming down the
stairs, and I was like: ‘Ah, excuse me! I’m
pumping!’” she shouts.
That part of parenthood is behind Tia
now, and the more-serious big-kid problems
have already started coming. Cree is “always
worried about other people’s feelings and
making sure that everybody else is OK.” But
his empathy got him hurt once—literally.
“One of his friends was being bullied. The
bully cranked back his hand, and Cree knewBRING YOUR BABY TO
WORKIt was as though
“Zen, intuitive” Cairo knew
she was on set. “She was
like, ‘Everybody else is quiet,
so I’m going to be quiet.’”MEET THE MCKELLANS
Cocoa, her husband, her four
children, and her in-laws“You constantly worry,
no matter what school
you’re at, no matter
your child’s gender.”