IT’S A MANN’S WORLD
Cost is a concern too. Dad got a
good deal in 2014: ten grand, a full
service history, one previous owner,
16,000 miles and it drove like new.
I’ve only clocked up a few thousand
more miles, but five years have
passed and I’ve never serviced it,
apart from its annual MOT. So, I’m
going to have to bite the bullet and
take it for a service this autumn, and
it’s bound to need something
expensive done to it—something
I can’t quibble about because I know
next to nothing about cars. If, let’s
say, that generates a bill for £700,
and one then spreads that cost out
over the, say, 50 times each year I
actually drive the thing... that’s an
extra £14, each time I start the
engine. And that’s on top of
insurance, and petrol, and paying the
man from the garage 20 quid to zap
the battery each time it runs flat
because I’m, um, scared of sparks.
It’s not exactly cutting-edge, either.
I mean it was a very, very cool car
when it was designed in 1991, butshonky that to
remove the roof
you actually had
to take apart
the car and
leave the
sides at
home. I
hadn’t anticipated this
issue would afflict
Dad’s much classier
motor, with its folding
steel hardtop, which
magically merges into the
boot at the touch of a button. But,
it leaks. And we don’t have a garage.
Secondly, if I don’t drive it at least
once a week, the battery dies.
I appreciate that getting behind the
wheel of a 3.4cc sports car on a
weekly basis may not seem an
insurmountable burden, but because
it isn’t suitable for transporting our
toddler (car seats/air bags/boot
space, blah), Dad’s Merc cannot be
designated our primary family
vehicle; and, since both my wife and
I drive to work, live far from public
transport, and take turns to deliver
our son to nursery, it can’t even
function as a satisfactory second set
of wheels. So, it’s our third car. What
luxury, owning a third car! But, by
definition, how entirely gratuitous.
I feel almost guilty owning it. And it’s
kind of a pain, juggling the cars on
our tiny driveway. Some weeks I
don’t get round to it, and then the
battery dies.
18 • JULY 2019