Then I’m in a hammock on the back porch, rocking lazily in the orange
light of the desert sunset, and Audrey appears and says Dad wants us to get
our stuff, we’re leaving. Grandma is incredulous. “After what happened last
time?” she shouts. “You’re going to drive through the night again? What
about the storm?” Dad says we’ll beat the storm. While we load the van
Grandma paces, cussing. She says Dad hasn’t learned a damned thing.
Richard drives the first six hours. I lie in the back on the mattress with Dad
and Audrey.
It’s three in the morning, and we are making our way from southern to
northern Utah, when the weather changes from the dry chill of the desert to
the freezing gales of an alpine winter. Ice claims the road. Snowflakes flick
against the windshield like tiny insects, a few at first, then so many the road
disappears. We push forward into the heart of the storm. The van skids and
jerks. The wind is furious, the view out the window pure white. Richard pulls
over. He says we can’t go any further.
Dad takes the wheel, Richard moves to the passenger seat, and Mother lies
next to me and Audrey on the mattress. Dad pulls onto the highway and
accelerates, rapidly, as if to make a point, until he has doubled Richard’s
speed.
“Shouldn’t we drive slower?” Mother asks.
Dad grins. “I’m not driving faster than our angels can fly.” The van is still
accelerating. To fifty, then to sixty.
Richard sits tensely, his hand clutching the armrest, his knuckles bleaching
each time the tires slip. Mother lies on her side, her face next to mine, taking
small sips of air each time the van fishtails, then holding her breath as Dad
corrects and it snakes back into the lane. She is so rigid, I think she might
shatter. My body tenses with hers; together we brace a hundred times for
impact.
It is a relief when the van finally leaves the road.
I awoke to blackness. Something ice-cold was running down my back. We’re
in a lake! I thought. Something heavy was on top of me. The mattress. I tried
to kick it off but couldn’t, so I crawled beneath it, my hands and knees
pressing into the ceiling of the van, which was upside down. I came to a
broken window. It was full of snow. Then I understood: we were in a field,
not a lake. I crawled through the broken glass and stood, unsteadily. I