SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS
For Richer
and for
Poorer
Mind-melding on money management is one
of the keys to a long, happy marriage
By Belinda Luscombe
E
verybody comes into marriage with one im-
portant relationship they cannot end: the one they
have with money. It’s a deep, complicated liaison
with a lot of history and often goes unacknowl-
edged. But handling family finances together—and navigating
the hazards therein—is an essential ingredient of a successful
long-term union.
Money is not just currency. It comes with emotions at-
tached. “There’s a lot of internal feelings related to money be-
cause money can also reflect the power and the balance of the
relationship,” says Lauren Papp, the director of the Couples
Lab at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, and the author
of several studies on marital conflict.
Fights about money, therefore, are not just about having
enough and sharing it equally; they strike at the essence of
people’s fears and hopes and desires. Fears of being alone and
being destitute are intertwined. It’s no accident that people
under financial pressure get divorced much more often than
people who aren’t. It’s also not a coincidence that people often
delay getting married until they feel financially secure.
Studies have shown that money is the most commonly re-
ported squabble-starter for couples and the source of the most
heated arguments. Of course, the subject is unavoidable. There
are bills every month. If they don’t get paid, the effect is imme-
diate. Couples have plenty of opportunities to discuss who’s
