’M OLD ENOUGHTO REMEMBERWHENCARS
were availablewith just one style of alloy wheel.
GoshGranddad,this is fascinating,tell us more
aboutthe restricted rims of the ’80s.Oh, OK
then. Gather round, children.
Back whenI was a kid many car companieshad just one design
of alloy, and often it was optional.Most BMWs,for example,
cameon steel wheelsunlessyou forked out for that classic
slightly disheddesignwith the ring of spokes aroundthe outside.
Mercedesserved up something similarbut fussierthat it fi tted to
saloonsand sports cars untilthe mid-’80s,whenthe corporate
alloy becamethat attractive fl at-facedstyle, as seen on the 190E
2.5-16. Jaguarhad those ‘pepperpot’ wheelsthey slappedon XJs
and XJ-Ss;Ferrari remixed the samebasicfi ve-
spoke design;to fi ll a 911’s wheelarch Porsche
gave a Fuchs. And then later a phonedial with
only fi ve holes.The alloy wheelof the ’80s
sporting car was simple. One company, one
design.That was it.
Now thingsare rather more complicated.
Do you know how many designsof wheel
are availablefor, say, a mid-range Jag XE?
It’s ten. The new 911 has four styles of alloy,
three of them optional.Even the Golf R has
two optionalalloys, plus one of those styles in
black. And that’s just for one model.
In itself,this is no bad thing, thoughit
might leadto twinges broughton by the
agony of choice and it makes buyinga second-handM5 or C63
or CooperS slightly trickier if you’re determinedto fi nd one
withthosewheels.But you can always fi nd a set for sale on the
internet, especially if you don’t mindbuyingthings that are pre-
kerbed and/orstolen.
No, the only problemwith the proliferationof alloy wheel
choicesin recent years is that it’s exposingus to deliberately cack
wheeldesign.An actualcar designerfrom an actualcar company
once explainedthis to me, althoughhe didn’t use the word ‘cack’.
It goes like this. Marketing departmentswant to offer plentyof
choice.So the standard alloy is of a particularsize,and then
there’s at least one upselloption,which is bigger and therefore
looks coolerand more impressive. The designers, beingcar
designers, want the car to be on the bigger wheels.They’d rather
the bigger wheelswere standard, but marketing don’t want to
give away whatthey couldcharge for, which is why the smaller
wheelhas to remain.So, to encourage peopleto pay extra not
to have it, the lesserwheelmightbe madeto look a bit, well,
lesser. Not completely awful, of course, but certainly not as nice.
Goodfor the designers, becauseit urges peopleto upgrade to the
wheelthey want to see on the car. Goodfor marketing, because
an upgrade meansa bit of extra cash in the transaction.
This was fi ne and dandyfor a time,and that timewas when
peopleactually boughtcars, either with their own money or a
loan from the bank. But that’s not how new cars are shifted today.
ThoseM3s and F-typesand Caymansyou see around,you can bet
not one of them is owned outright. PCPshave becomethe default
car salessetting,to the extent that whenI boughtmy LandRover
Defenderoutright for actualcashmoney,
ooh get me, the salesmanunthinkingly tried
to offer me gap insurance.Of course he did,
every other customer is buyingan Evoque in
a way that mightrequire it.
The problemwith a PCP, or a lease,is
that tryingto upgrade your alloys does
someunwelcomethingsto your monthly
payments.I’m sure somepeoplego for it
nonetheless,but it’s a hard hit to take for
the sake of the looks, and unlessyou’re
wracked with vanityyou’ll probably cool
your boots on the fancierrims. In timespast,
the tempting upgrade worked because£950
on top of a 50-grandcar mighthave felt like
smallfry, whereas £950spread across a three-year fi nancedeal
at today’s lo-lo rates proportionately warps the numbers enough
to be off-putting.
This is a problemfor car companiesbecausenow that people
are resisting the upgrade trap there are a load of cars out there
runningaroundon the less goodwheels.If you’ve ever seen an
entry-level Range Rover Velar or boggoBoxster on the alloys you
get for nowt, you’ll know whatI mean.They’re not handsomeand
they do the generalimage of the car no favours at all. As such,
it feels like timefor all car companiesto dig deepand give us
the nice alloys as standard rather than continuewith this sneaky
bullying campaignfor wheelupgradesthat doesn’t tally with the
way peopleget their arses into new cars.
Either that, or go back to the headydays of my childhoodwhen
an entire company had just one designof alloy wheel.
It’s time car makers gave us the wheely good alloys for free
Richard isevo’s longest-servingcolumnist and the script editor onThe Grand Tourt
@sniffpetrolRICHARDPORTER
I
‘The problem with
the proliferation
of alloy wheel
choices is that it’s
exposingus to
deliberately cack
wheel design’