ISSUE 32
OFFGRIDWEB.COM 021
T
here they stood, right on the
sidewalk, just on the edge
of your yard. You wondered
how long they’d been stand-
ing there in the approaching
dusk. It was bad enough that you made this
unwelcomed discovery. You wondered what
your spouse or kids would’ve thought if they
had happened to spot your former compan-
ion standing out there. They just stood there,
looking over the exterior of your home.
That was creepy enough, but then your
eyes met theirs. In that instant, a coldness
washed over your body. You felt an eerie
connection — like predator and prey, and
you were the prey in this exchange. This
person you thought was part of your past
was now standing there staring at you in
the present, right through the window
of your own home. They smiled faint-
ly at you, but there was no hint of a
smile in their eyes. Those empty
eyes. That was the part that
bothered you the most. It was
like no one was home inside the
person you once knew. Your
“ex” stood there motionless,
wearing a smile that was a
false as a cheap rubber mask,
hiding their real identity and
hiding their intentions.
For this installment of RECOIL
OFFGRID’s “What If?” column,
there are no fanatical terrorists,
savage animals, or extreme land-
scapes to challenge our skills and
our wits. The editors have given us a
far more subtle yet equally disturbing
scenario — what if we were
stalked by a crazed former
love interest? This unsettling
situation brings many issues
into question. How could we
defend ourselves and our family
against someone with maligned
intentions? And how could the
law help us? During this unnerving
“What If?” we’ll take a look at some of the
strategies for personal security and several
actions you can legally take to deal with an
unhinged person.
The Scenario:
SITUATION T Y PE
Ongoing stalking from an ex
YOUR CREW
You, your spouse, and two children
L OC ATION
Your hometown
SEASON
Spring
WE ATHER
Clear; high 78 degrees F,
low 58 degrees F
The Setup: You’ve been on social media
for several years, and with it, your friends
list and exposure has grown. Eventually you
receive a friend request from an ex you
dated in your early 20s who found you on
a mutual friend’s list. The relationship didn’t
end on the greatest of terms back then, and
you can see that they live within a half hour
of where you currently reside. You know they
may be able to get an idea, from the photos
you and your friends have posted, of where
you work and the neighborhood you live in.
Although you’re somewhat hesitant at first,
you decide there’s no harm in accepting their
friend request to your profile, which is usually
private and only visible if someone is added
to your friends list. You think that enough
time has passed, and whatever happened is
water under the bridge.
The Complication: Approximately a
month into your acceptance of your ex’s
friend request, things start to go sideways.
You look at their profile and are concerned
by a lot of their posts, which exude an
emotionally unstable, desperate tone, with
a lot of provocative pictures, many of which
are sent privately to you. They’re constantly
private messaging you to go have lunch
with them to reminisce, catch up, and hang
out more often. You politely decline on the
grounds that your spouse wouldn’t ap-
prove, and you don’t think it’s a good idea,
but you wish them well and are glad they
seem to be doing OK. Unfortunately, your
attempts to be diplomatic aren’t met with
the same kind of friendliness you’d hoped
for. They don’t go away, but instead they
escalate their persistence to disturbing and
dangerous levels.
Eventually, your ex starts posting old
pictures of you and them together, tagging
you, and saying that you were abusive to
them physically, verbally, and sexually, and
that you’re trying to rekindle their interest
and have an affair with them. Needless to
say, it doesn’t take long for their friends to
chime in and start badmouthing you, echo-
ing the accusations. You know your own
personal friends know you well enough to
dismiss this as jealousy and nonsense, but
you’re still worried about colleagues and
others possibly looking at this differently
and taking it too seriously. Rather than dig-
nify any of this with a response, you decide
to block them from any and all accounts
they previously had access to.
Unfortunately, the blocking on social me-
dia only seems to exacerbate the problem.
You start receiving calls on your cell phone
and home phone from a blocked number
making threats to you and your family. How
the heck did they get your number? You’re
unsure how they got it and who is making
these threats, since you haven’t talked to
your ex directly and can’t tell if it’s their
voice. You hope this will just go away, but
you start to consider filing a restraining
order. You’re concerned, however, that this
will only provoke additional complications.
You see a certain car driving by your house
repeatedly, and eventually your 6-year-old
daughter says a stranger approached them
after school, showed a picture of you, and
offered a ride home. This has gone far
enough. What do you do to protect yourself
and your family from this ongoing, and
worsening, harassment? Your life is begin-
ning to mirror Fatal Attraction.
