M
oneyisn’ttherootofall
argumentsinrelation-
ships,butit comesclose.
DavidRoberts,manager
formediationservicesat
RelationshipsAustralia,saysmoneypressures
areoneofthetopfourreasonsthatcouples
separate.USresearchhasfoundit is theNo. 1
issuethatmarriedcouplesargueaboutand
thesecondmostcommoncauseofdivorce
afterinfidelity.
Debtis a commonsourceofarguments,
alongwithsecretspendingandbudgetary
pressuressuchaspayingbills.
KirstyLamont,directorof thecomparison
siteMozo,saysresearchbyhercompanyfound
arounda thirdof peoplein relationshipsfight
aboutmoneyatleastoncea month.“Some
ofthethingstheygetmostupsetaboutare
theirpartner’sinabilityto managea budget,
wastingmoneyonthingslikesmokingand
gambling,andlyingaboutmoney,”shesays.
A recentWestpacsurveyonfinanceand
separationfoundthatalmost70%of separated
coupleswhorarelyspokeabouttheirfinances
werenotina financiallyhealthyposition.
Itsays more than a third of Australians who
live in a committed relationship are not
financially healthy as a couple.Income inequality, where one partner
earns significantly more than the other, can
exacerbate problems by introducing a power
imbalance into the relationship. This can even
degenerate into financial “abuse” where the
partner who wields financial power uses it
to control their partner.
But the news isn’t all bad. Being honest and
transparent about money has been shown to
boost both your love life and wallet.BALANCE OF POWER
OK, so money isn’t the first thing we talk
about in the euphoria of a new relationship.
But Lamont says she was surprised at its
importance in Mozo’s recent research.
“For many people, income disparity was a
huge issue,” she says. “They want a partner
who can help them achieve their aspirations
and if they feel their partner is letting them
down on that front it can cause problems.”
Roberts says money is something we should
discuss from the get-go rather than waiting
until it causes issues. Being transparent
about your own finances and priorities, and
where you want to go as a couple provides a
basis to build on.
Where one partner earns more, he says
the other person can feel very disadvantaged
if their partner also controls the finances.
“In all relationships there are questions
of balance of power,” he says. “But if you’re
trying to move towards an equal relationship,
it’s important to have transparency and make
joint decisions.”
Chris Giaouris, partner and principal
adviser at Chronos Private, says it’s com-
mon for partners to earn vastly different
amounts, particularly when one cuts back or
stops working to take care of other priorities
such as children. But at the end of the day,
whether one partner earns $200,000 and
the other zero, or they earn $100,000 each,
it comes down to setting priorities on what
you want as a couple and managing your
money to achieve that.
Roberts says values are also important. For
example, if private schooling is important toFrank discussions
about finances
are the key to a
healthy relationship
No secrets,
STORY
ANNETTE SAMPSONMY MONEY RELATIONSHIPS