Section:GDN 1N PaGe:3 Edition Date:190724 Edition:01 Zone: Sent at 23/7/2019 20:44 cYanmaGentaYellowbl
3Wednesday 24 July 2019 The Guardian •Sketch
John CraceMore like a jobs fair
than the coronation
of a new Tory leader
A
mber Rudd and
Liz Truss arrived
together. At just the
wrong moment. They
looked up in panic to
see the photographers
pointing their cameras elsewhere.
Professional politicians to the last,
they stopped dead in their tracks
and rummaged in their handbags
for some imaginary items. Glancing
up to make sure the snappers had
now noticed them, the two cabinet
ministers started walking forward
again. What was the point of turning
up to an event like this if your
appearance went unrecorded?
Upstairs, the Queen Elizabeth
II conference centre was hosting
the world’s largest gathering of
psychoanalysts for their biennial
congress. None are going to be
short of work in the months ahead.
Indeed there were several hundred
potential patients downstairs for
what was more a jobs fair than a
Tory leadership announcement.
Here in the hall every pathology
was on view. The smug, the needy,
the desperate, the amoral and the
deluded. And that was just Boris
Johnson. Elsewhere Tory MPs were
pushing one another aside to catch
the eye of Gavin Williamson and
Grant Shapps, who were revelling in
their status as Team Boris fi xers-in-
chief. “Gizza job, I love Boris, me,”
they mewled pathetically.
There were some absentees,
though. No Theresa May, Philip
Hammond, Rory Stewart or David
Gauke. All soon to disappear to
the backbenches. Spare a thought,
too, for Matt Hancock, a man who
has yet to fi nd a principle he won’t
betray for the advancement of his
own career. He was stuck at health
questions trying to explain why the
green paper on further reducing the
sugar content of drinks had nothing
to do with him, even though it had
been his idea. Hancock is hoping to
become the fi rst minister for obesity.
Fifteen minutes later than
planned the lights dimmed and aEvery pathology was
on view. The smug, the
needy, the desperate,
the amoral and the
deluded. And that was
just Boris Johnsonshort video of great Conservative
prime ministers was screened. Ted
Heath was airbrushed out of history.
Which could be the best legacy for
which Johnson can hope. Then the
party chairman, Brandon Lewis,
took to the stage to declare that
the leadership contest had shown
the very best of the Tory party. Not
the strongest sales pitch, given the
generally dismal levels of debate
between Jeremy Hunt and Johnson.
When Cheryl Gillan , acting chair
of the 1922 Committee, made the
expected declaration that Boris had
won everyone in the front 10 rows
stood up and started cheering. And
wouldn’t stop. No one wanted to
be marked out as the fi rst person
to stop cheering and sit down.
Competitive applause at its most
nakedly shameless. Hypocrites all.
Then came Johnson’s acceptance
speech. “Piffl epaffl ewiffl ewaffl e,” he
said to yet more confected shrieks
and giggles. Given that he had had
six weeks to write it you might have
expected something more than the
usual glib, off -the-cuff bollocks.
First there was the entirely
insincere thanks to Theresa May- Johnson has spent the last three
years plotting her downfall – then
the usual glib stuff about 0ne-nation
conservatism and governing for
the whole country. Johnson then
dissolved into campaign patter.
People have said the incoming
leader has never faced such
daunting problems, he declared. But
are you daunted? Silence. He looked
puzzled. He had expected everyone
to shout: “No !” Maybe they weren’t
quite as stupid as he had always
imagined. “You don’t look daunted
to me,” he continued, hesitantly.
But they did to everyone else. Some
were just beginning to realise they
had made a hideous mistake.
Then the race to the end.
Piffl epaffl ewiffl ewaffl e. Brexit
would be delivered if only everyone
closed their eyes and believed.
He was going to put the E into the
DUD of Deliver, Unite and Defeat
and Energise something or other.
Though not the country. Everyone
else was busy stockpiling Prozac
and Valium. He concluded by saying
he would be working fl at out. Or
two hours a day, whichever was the
longer. His ambition is not matched
by work ethic.
In one way, though, this was a
remarkable Johnson speech – the
fi rst for years that hadn’t contained
any outright lies. Just the odd half-
truth. Still, there would be plenty of
time to rectify that. The lying could
start again tomorrow.
prime minister and the only way he
will be a great British prime minister
is if we leave the EU on October the
31st. Or we will be wiped out by the
Brexit party.”
Several MPs said Johnson had ruled
out an election before delivering Brexit
but had stopped short of vowing there
would no early election before 2022.
Asked if MPs believed him, one said:
“No.” Johnson has already chosen
Mark Spencer, the low-profi le MP for
Sherwood, Nottinghamshire, as his
chief whip – a key job in a hung parlia-
ment. The former remainer is regarded
as more conciliatory than Gavin
Williamson or Iain Duncan Smith.
However, several senior cabinet
ministers, including Philip Hammond,
David Gauke and Rory Stewart, have
confi rmed that they will not serve
under Johnson. Not all MPs were
charmed by Johnson at the 1922 Com-
mittee. The MP Keith Simpson left the
room early declaring: “The circus has
come to town.”Journal Leader comment Page 2
Journal Rafael Behr Page 3 Johnson’s path to No 10
Guardian graphic
Eliminated: Hancock 20 (stood down), Leadsom 11, Harper 10, McVey 9Eliminated: Raab 30Eliminated: Stewart 27Eliminated: Javid 34. Spoilt ballots: 2Eliminated: Gove 75. Spoilt ballots: 1First round
114
Johnson23
Javid37
Gove27
Raab43
Hunt33
Javid41
Gove46
Hunt126
Johnson38
Javid51
Gove54
Hunt143
Johnson1937
StewartSecond roundThird roundFourth roundFifth roundVote by party members
Votes by MPsStewart157
Johnson160
Johnson77
Hunt61
Gove59
Hunt50%66.4%
Johnson33.6%
Hunt▲ Jeremy Hunt and Boris Johnson
at the announcement. Johnson won
nearly twice the votes cast for Hunt
PHOTOGRAPH:ANDREW PARSONS/I-IMAGESРЕЛИЗ ПОДГОТОВИЛА ГРУППА "What's News" VK.COM/WSNWS