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Moreplacenta andumbilical sorting, allratherCallthe midwifeminus nuns
Followinganarrangedmarriageandbriefcourtship,Editor
Jonathan Young finds himself taking on a new and complicated role
Call the vetwife
ONa quietafternoonit’sworthspendinga
fewhourswithKingCanute,IzaakWalton
andJaneAusten,unlikelycompanionsnow
gatheredindeathatWinchesterCathedral.
Each came to mind in April after a visit:
CanutewhenI contemplatedtheincoming
tide of ground elder into the herbaceous
border;WaltonwhenI managedtobankan
earlybraceofbrowns;anddearJane during
mysearchfora Sealyhamsuitor.
MissAustensteadilychampionedloveas
themainprerequisiteformarriage,refuting
theusual18th-centuryprinciplethatfortune
andstationwere theprincipal desiderata.
Andsheis,ofcourse,right,thoughthere’s
something brutally honest in marital
prospects being weighed by families and
arrangedaccordingly.Which, I confess, was
thefatethatbefellBetsy.
WhenI boughtherfrom HarryParsons
36 months ago, I was looking for a gun
terrier, something amusing at home but
capable of flushing game and finding it
when fallen. Parsons’ working Sealyhams
seemedtheperfectsolution.FeaturedinThe
FieldinJune2009,hislittledevilsaregame
but good-natured, the result of careful but
unorthodoxthought. A diligentstudent of
workingterriers,heconsideredthemixused
byoneCaptainEdwardesinthe19thcentury
tocreatetheSealyhambreed,namedafter
hisestate. The recipe may have included
Welshcorgi,workingwire-hairedfoxterrier
andtheextinctEnglishwhiteterrier;others
suggestheuseddandiedinmontsandWest
Highland terriers. Edwardes did not keep
a recordandprobably did notcare much
aboutlabels:19th-centurysportsmenjudged
workingdogsbytheirperformanceandthe
fashionforpedigreeshadyettoarrive.
AsthegenepoolforSealyhamsissmall
(92puppiesregisteredwiththeKennelClub
in2014),Parsonsdecidedtogobacktothe
originalbreed recipeandadda dollop of
workingJackRussell,oneofthefewbreeds
tohaveavoidedpedigreestatus.Betsyis the
resultofthatcrossing:three-quarters Sealy-
ham; one-quarter Jack Russell.
Like most terriers, she’s a character.
Alwaysfriendly,she’llnonethelesssoundoff
if shesuspectsa strangernearthehouseand
hasa marvellousnose,locatingfourpheas-
ants and a partridgeafter a drive in root
crops last season that haddefeated three
labradors. Butshecravedcaninecompany
andwhenouroldterrierdiedit was time to
find her another companion.A rescuedogseemedfeasiblebuta gam-
blesowedecidedtobreedfromherandkeep
a puppy.It wastimeforanarrangedmarriage.
Parsons had the right suitor in Freddie, a
chirpy,pure-bredSealyhamthat,matedwith
Betsy,would give a litter ofseven-eighths
Sealyham,one-eighthJackRussell.
We headed down to Exmoor doing
maths.Was itthefertileperiod, ninedays
aftershecameintoheat?Possibly,probably,
hopefully.BetsyandFreddiethought‘defi-
nitely’andweheadedbackuptheM5and
waited.Andwaited.Wasshepregnantorjust
muggingmeforcheesetidbitsbecauseshe
wasfeelinggreedy?Aftersevenweeksthere
wasnodoubt– puppies.I calledmysplen-
didveterinarysurgeonfriendandwaited.
NineweeksaftertheExmoorvisitandthe
female snogging in Gentleman Jack went
unnoticedastheactionintheplayroomwas
far more exciting. Much panting, scratchingandtheoddwhimperannouncedthatsome-
thingwasastir.Anotherhalfhouranda pup
emerged,backsidefirst.I easedit out,pulled
offthesurroundingmembraneandtriedto
remember whichhand holds theplacenta
whenyoutwistofftheumbilicalcord.
Thepupsquirmedthen squawked:one
out,anunknownnumberstillto go.Butwhen?
I turned to Captain R Portman-Graham
andhisThematingandwhelpingofdogs.
Nocausetoworrysolongasthenextis out
withinthreehours.Yeta Googlesearchby
thefamilygavea verdictoftwohours,then
callthevet.Thewomenfolkgrewagitated.
TheydemandedI ringthepractice’semer-
gencynumberand,ofcourse,thenextpup
arrived 30 seconds into the conversation.
More placenta and umbilical sorting, all
ratherCallthemidwifeminusnuns.
Thehouseholdladiesgrewfraught.“This
whelping boxis hopeless,”came the next
demand.“Weneedanotheronenow.”
I knew a friendwith something bigger
and drove off to collect. Twelve minutes
downtheroadandthemobilerang.“Next
puppy’scomingthrough,lookscomplicated,
turnroundandcomehomenow.”
Betsy,happily, hadremained calmand
dealtwiththegooeybits,asshedidwiththe
nextthree.Motherandpupswereallalive,
the new-born encouragingly squirmy and
settlingintothemilkbar.
What, however, did we have? If they
weredogs,theywereboyswithouta win-
kle, as Nursie observed in Blackadder.
Surely they could not all be bitches? Yet
theywere.HarryParsonscouldn’tbelieveit.
“I’m goingtopop a bottle ofchampagne,
Jonathan.Therecan’tbe 16 dogsinthecoun-
trywhichareseven-eighthsSealyham– and
you’vegotfiveofthem,allbitches.It’swhat
we’vebeenworkingtowards.Now we have
tofindthemtherighthomes.”
Iknewwhathemeant.WorkingSealyhams
remind me of that linein Chris deBurgh’s
Patriciathestripper, “AndMaudsays,‘OhLord
I’msoterriblybored’.”They’reneithershownor
toydogsbutbrightcreaturesthatneedstimu-
lation,whetherthat’sflushinggame,finding
fallenpigeonora littledown-and-dirtyratting.
Happily,allthepuppieshavenowbeenplaced
withsportsmen.Sobewarned: the Daughters
of Betsy are on the move.