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One theory about why proximity is so important involves the idea of repeated
exposure to new stimuli, sometimes called the mere exposure effect. The more people expe-
rience something, whether it is a song, a picture, or a person, the more they tend to like it.
The phrase “it grew on me” refers to this reaction. When people are in physical proximity
to each other, repeated exposure may increase their attraction to each other.
BIRDS OF A FEATHER—SIMILARITY Proximity does not guarantee attraction, just as
physical attractiveness does not guarantee a long-term relationship. People tend to like
being around others who are similar to them in some way. The more people find they
have in common with others—such as attitudes, beliefs, and interests—the more they
tend to be attracted to those others (Hartfield & Rapson, 1992; Moreland & Zajonc,
1982; Neimeyer & Mitchell, 1998). Similarity as a factor in relationships makes sense
when seen in terms of validation of a person’s beliefs and attitudes. When other people
hold the same attitudes and beliefs and do the same kinds of actions, it makes a per-
son’s own concepts seem more correct or valid.Isn’t there a saying about “opposites attract”? Aren’t people
sometimes attracted to people who are different instead of similar?There is often a grain of truth in many old sayings, and “opposites attract” is no
exception. Some people find that forming a relationship with another person who has
complementary qualities (characteristics in the one person that fill a need in the other) can
be very rewarding (Carson, 1969; Schmitt, 2002). Research does not support this view of
attraction, however. It is similarity, not complementarity, that draws people together and
helps them stay together (Berscheid & Reis, 1998; McPherson et al., 2001).
RECIPROCITY OF LIKING Finally, people have a very strong tendency to like people
who like them, a simple but powerful concept referred to as reciprocity of liking. In
one experiment, researchers paired college students with other students (Curtis &
Miller, 1986). Neither student in any of the pairs knew the other member. One member
of each pair was randomly chosen to receive some information from the experimenters
about how the other student in the pair felt about the first member. In some cases, tar-
get students were led to believe that the other students liked them and, in other cases,
that the targets disliked them.
When the pairs of students were allowed to meet and talk with each other again,
they were friendlier, disclosed more information about themselves, agreed with the other
person more, and behaved in a warmer manner if they had been told that the other student
liked them. The other students came to like these students better as well, so liking pro-
duced more liking.
The only time that liking someone does not seem to make that person like the other
in return is if a person suffers from feelings of low self-worth. In that case, finding out
that someone likes you when you don’t even like yourself makes you question his or
her motives. This mistrust can cause you to act unfriendly to that person, which makes
the person more likely to become unfriendly to you in a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy
(Murray et al., 1998).
INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS ONLINE No discussion of friendships and “liking” can
be complete without some mention of the growing importance of social networking
online. For example, which social network sites a college student selects may be related
to racial identity and ethnic identity (Duggan et al., 2015). Facebook seems to be the
most widely used platform regardless of one’s racial or ethnic identity at 71 percent
reported use. But when looking at other online platforms, white students prefer the
interest/hobby-sharing site Pinterest, while Latino and African-American students
prefer the photo-sharing site Instagram (Duggan et al., 2015).reciprocity of liking
tendency of people to like other people
who liMe them in return.