(^32) DAILY MIRROR TUESDAY 03.03.2020
DM1ST
DEAR COL E E N
you
say
teenage daughter is so rude to me
Dear Coleen
My 18-year-old daughter started
university in the autumn and now
every time she’s home, she’s
incredibly rude to me in front of
her friends and other people.
It’s like she’s embarrassed by
me or thinks it’s “cool”.
I’ve no idea where this has
come from as she was never the
kind of girl to be rude to grown-
ups – me or anyone else. She’s not
the same with her dad though,
which annoys me even more.
Any ideas about why she’d
behave like this and what I can do
about it?
Coleen says
Yep, don’t let her get away with
it! Maybe it’s something to do
with her new environment or a
new group of friends but,
whatever it is, it’s not acceptable
behaviour.
I would talk to her in private
and tell her you’re not OK with
her being rude to you and want
to know why she’s doing it, and
get your husband to back you
up. If she continues to do it, then
call her out – teenagers don’t like
being embarrassed in front of
their mates. Something along
the lines of, “Why are you
suddenly being rude to me in
front of other people? You don’t
normally talk to me like that”.
If she’s going to behave like a
child, then maybe the only
option is to treat her like one
with a public telling-off so she’s
not so keen to do it again.
WiLL retiring
mean i’m oLd
BeFore mY time?
Dear Coleen
I’m a woman aged 62 and I’ve
worked all my life, having had two
successful careers. Lately, I’ve been
thinking a lot about retiring as I
have young grandchildren who I
don’t see often enough.
I have a happy marriage, but I
worry that my husband and I could
be making more of these years
together.
He has his own business and
took a step back from it a few years
ago, although he’s still involved.
I suppose I’m worried that I’ll
suddenly feel old and start
behaving differently. There’s
nothing wrong with my life, but
after dedicating so many years to
work, I feel I ought to be thinking of
having more time for myself and
my family. What’s your advice?
Coleen says
I think it’s very common to worry
about what’s on the other side of
retirement. But just because
you’re retiring from work doesn’t
mean you’re retiring from life.
If you want to, you can fill your
days with other things that might
be more rewarding at this stage
in life.
Your job doesn’t define you – it’s
about your attitude to life and
what you do with it. I know people
who have been lucky enough to
stop working in their 40s and 50s
and they certainly haven’t
shuffled off to a bungalow to see
out their days quietly.
You’re in a fantastic position
to have the choice to give up
work and think about what
opportunities are open to you. So
it’s a state of mind and it’s about
approaching it positively and with
excitement rather than thinking of
it as “giving up” something.
I completely agreed
with your advice to
the woman who
wants to propose to her
boyfriend because it’s a
leap year, even though
he’s admitted he’s always
been anti-marriage (Dear
Coleen, February 28).
He’s not going to
suddenly change his
views just because it’s a
leap year. If marriage is so
important to her, she
ought to be having proper
discussions with her
partner over the future of
their relationship.
Nicola, via email
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your problems solved
I’m totally in love but I don’t
like her shallow, bitchy pals
Dear Coleen
I’m a man in my early 30s and have
been seeing a woman I’m totally in love
with for about six months. Things are
going great between us – we spent
Christmas with each other’s families
and we’re planning a trip together
this summer.
My only problem is, I don’t like her
group of friends. They’re very shallow
and always bitching and gossiping.
They’ve never been that nice to me
and I always feel I’m on trial every time
we’re out with them.
She’s not like the rest of them at all,
so I’m confused about why she wants
to hang out with them. They’re just not
very nice and I don’t trust any of them.
I hate the thought of these people
being in our lives, but what can I do
about it? I thought maybe it was just
me, but then I invited some of my
mates on a night out and they agreed
with me – “What does she see
in them?” was the general
opinion.
I’ve never told her how I
really feel about them and don’t
know whether I should. I don’t
want it to become an issue that
causes problems between us.
What do you think?
Coleen says
I think perhaps you’re worrying about
it more than you should. In reality, you
probably don’t have to see them
that much and, as your relationship
develops, you’ll probably see even less
of them.
But you shouldn’t encourage her not
to see them. They are her friends and
maybe they have a shared history that
goes way back to college or school.
If you do start to interfere, she’ll
resent it and you’ll come across as
controlling. Would you accept it if she
told you she didn’t like your mates and
didn’t want you to see them?
I know it’s not ideal if you don’t get
on with your partner’s friends, but
most of the time it’s just the two of you
and that’s what you have to focus on.
If you stay together, you’ll increase
your social circle as a couple and make
more mutual friends.
I also think as your relationship
becomes more serious, your girlfriend
will probably rely on her friends less,
so they won’t be as big a part of your
life as they are at the moment.
And so what if they haven’t warmed
to you? What counts is what your
girlfriend thinks and the relationship
between the two of you.
“I always feel
on trial every
time we’re out
with them
vip2019
(vip2019)
#1