Psychologies UK 04.2020

emotional intelligence

WORDS: SUZY WALKER. PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES

APRIL 2020 PSYCHOLOGIES MAGAZINE 19

Be compassionate

to yourself

e all get lost in the dense forest of our

lives, entangled in incessant worry, in

judgments of others and in our busy

striving to meet demands. When we’re caught up in

that thicket, it’s easy to lose sight of what matters most.

We forget how much we long to be kind and open-hearted,’

says Brach, author of Radical Compassion. Here, she shares

a four-step process to fi nd our way back to ourselves.

Recognise. When you are triggered by a thought that

makes you anxious or irritable, or you fi nd yourself

reacting instead of responding, try to notice the

sensations you feel and your emotions. Become an

observer of your reactions. Check in to the emotional

tone of the situation: For example, you’re rushing to fi nish

your work, a loved one is trying to get your attention and

you’re snappy, and that makes you feel guilty.

Allow.Pause for a moment and let yourself feel what

you’re feeling, be it guilt, worry or anxiety. You’re not

saying that these feelings are positive ones, simply that

they are present in the here and now.

Investigate. Now, gently and with kindness, ask: ‘What’s

going on?’ Do you feel that if you don’t get your work done,

you will fail? Do you feel that you are failing your loved

one for not giving them your attention? Is that feeling of

failure familiar? Where do you experience it in your body?

Nurture. Ask yourself: ‘What do I need?’ Imagine

someone you trust is giving you a hug. Spend as much time

as you need, o‡ ering the care you require inwardly. ‘Calling

on the most wise and compassionate part of your being,

you might o‡ er yourself a loving message,’ says Brach.

‘Radical Compassion’ by Tara Brach (Penguin, £14.99)

Renowned meditation teacher

Tara Brach shows us how to treat

ourselves with a little tenderness

HOW TO...

‘

W