ASK THE EXPERT...
Divine Charura is a UKCP psychotherapist,
academic and counselling psychologist. Here,
he helps us uncover the mysteries of lovewho do not have it. Many of the people I see as a
psychologist and psychotherapist come because
di culties have emerged from not having self-love.
Self-kindness, self-compassion, self-worth and
self-belief are absolutely essential to wellbeing.’Passionate compassion
Charura says there are steps we can take to engender
self-love: living in the moment instead of focusing on
the past, ceasing self-blame and adopting basic
self-care, such as enough sleep and a healthy diet.
He also urges us to show love for humanity: ‘Start
in your social circles and perform an act of kindness
for someone, or do more for the planet. If we stand
in solidarity for love and what we believe in as
human beings, the world will be a better place.’
The founding father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund
Freud, said that therapy is a cure through love.
It’s a professional and ethical relationship that
o ers a non-judgmental space, where the therapist’s
ultimate commitment is to help you work through
whatever you need support with in your life. The
therapist will help you understand your relationship
dynamic with yourself and others.What is love? Listen to Sarah Niblock and
Divine Charura discuss love and therapy at
psychologies.co.uk/what-love-podcast-ukcpAPRIL 2020 PSYCHOLOGIES MAGAZINE 43PHOTOGRAPH: P
ÅL HANSEN. HAIR AND MAKE-UP: CARL STANLEY
in partnership with UKCP
About the UKCP and how to fi nd a therapist
●The UKCP Alongside professional
support for our members, we are the
leading research, innovation, educational
and regulatory body working to advance
psychotherapies for the benefit of all.
Our membership includes more than
8,000 therapists and 70 training and
accrediting organisations. Members
work privately, in public health or
third-sector organisations, offering
a range of approaches for couples,
individuals, families and groups.●To fi nd the right therapist,
log on to psychologies.co.uk/
fi nd-a-therapist and look at our
Life Labs Channel of experts
who may be able to help, or visit
psychotherapy.org.uk/fi nd-a-therapist
to locate a therapist near you.Q Can love can
be addictive?
There are similarities in the
psychological experiences
and behaviour of those who
are addicted to substances
and those who are in love. In
her research on the human
brain, anthropologist Helen
Fisher argued that romantic
love can, in some ways,
basically be an addiction in
terms of its behaviour patterns
and brain mechanisms.
Functional magnetic
resonance imaging (fMRI) has
shown that feelings of intense
romantic love engage regions
of the brain’s ‘reward system’:
namely, dopamine pathways,
associated with energy, focus,
motivation, ecstasy, despair
and craving – the same regions
associated with substance, and
non-substance, addictions.Q Are all forms of
love equal in their
essentiality for people?
Some argue that the love theyfeel for their child is the most
unconditional love, and they
could not live without it. For
others, it’s the love for their
dog. Even narcissism (self-
love) or ludus (the style of
loving that emphasises the
game of seduction and fun),
while perhaps seemingly
negative and selfi sh on the
surface, serve a defensive
and survival purpose,
psychological speaking,
while evidencing our
essential need for love.Q Does ‘true’
love exist?
For thousands of years, there
has been a quest in humanity
for the answer to this question.
Poets, musicians, playwrights,
fi lm-makers, religious gurus
and ordinary people have all
made attempts to explore
whether true love exists. I would
argue that to love and be
loved, or to seek love and fi nd
or give love, is not an end point
but a continual process.THE UKCP TALKING THERAPIES PODCAST