Reader\'s Digest - 04.2020

I ate dinner with a chess grandmaster

last night. Problem was, we had a

checkered tablecloth. It took him two

hours to pass the salt!

—chessninja.com

“Who are these peo-

ple?” The pastor said,

“Those are members

from our church who

died in service.” The

boy asked, “The early

service or the second

service?”

—Submitted by

James Powers

Woodbury, Minnesota

Words you’d think were

cool if you didn’t know

what they mean:

✦atrophy

✦space bar

✦supervision

✦extraction

✦dogmatic

—@DanMentos

“Doc, I can’t stop

singing ‘Green, Green

Grass of Home.’ ”

“That sounds like

Tom Jones syndrome.”

“Is it common?”

“It’s not unusual.”

—gruntdoc.com

Got a funny joke?

It could be worth $$$.

For details, go to

rd.com/submit.

A scientist who made

contact with aliens

said, “They’re nothing

like us—all they keep

saying is ‘Err. Err.’”

“Why should that

AMERICA’S FAVORITE PAST-LINES

Grab some peanuts and Cracker Jack—it’s baseball

season! And these wise old ballplayers may have had

their own ideas about who’s on first:

✦Why does everybody

sing “Take Me Out to the

Ball Game” when they’re

already there?

—Larry Andersen,

phillies pitcher

✦You want proof

baseball players are

smarter than football

players? How often

field?

—

yankees

pitcher

✦Baseball statistics

are like a girl in a bikini—

they show a lot, but not

everything.

—Toby Harrah,

rangers shortstop

mean they aren’t like

us?” his colleague

replied. “To err is

human.”

—Submitted by

Steve Smith

New York, New York

Reader’s Digest

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