leaned over a little and pressed his lips against my collarbone, right between my
shoulder and my neck. It was a quick kiss and I don’t think he meant for it to
be romantic. It was more like a thank-you gesture, without using actual words.
But it made me feel all kinds of things. It’s been a few hours now and I keep
touching that spot with my fingers because I can still feel it.
I know it was probably the worst day of his life, Ellen. But it was one of my
favorites.
I feel really bad about that.
We watched Finding Nemo and when that part came up where Marlin
was looking for Nemo and he was feeling really defeated, Dory said to him,
“When life gets you down do you wanna know what you’ve gotta do? . . . Just
keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming,
swimming.”
Atlas grabbed my hand when Dory said that. He didn’t hold it like a
boyfriend holds his girlfriend’s hand. He squeezed it, like he was saying that
was us. He was Marlin and I was Dory, and I was helping him swim.
“Just keep swimming,” I whispered to him.
—Lily
Dear Ellen,
I’m scared. So scared.
I like him a lot. He’s all I think about when we’re together and I feel worried
sick about him when we’re not. My life is beginning to revolve around him and
that’s not good, I know. But I can’t help it and I don’t know what to do about
it, and now he might leave.
He left after we finished watching Finding Nemo yesterday and then when
my parents went to bed, he crawled in my window last night. He had slept in
my bed the night before because he was sick, and I know I shouldn’t have done
it, but I put his blankets in the washing machine right before I went to bed. He
asked where his pallet was and I told him he’d have to sleep on the bed again
because I wanted to wash his blankets and make sure they were clean so he
wouldn’t get sick again.
For a minute, it looked like he was going to go back out the window. But
then he shut it and took off his shoes and crawled in the bed with me.
He wasn’t sick anymore, but when he laid down I thought maybe I had
gotten sick because my stomach felt queasy. But I wasn’t sick. I just always feel
queasy when he’s that close to me.