15-05-2021-052358It-Ends-with-Us

But if I’m emulating my mother’s behavior, then that would mean
Ryle is emulating my father’s behavior. But he isn’t. I have to stop
comparing us to them. We’re our own individuals in an entirely
different situation. My father never had an excuse for his anger, nor
was he immediately apologetic. The way he treated my mother was
much worse than what’s happened between Ryle and me.
Ryle just opened up to me in a way that he’s probably never
opened up to anyone. He’s struggling to be a better person for me.
Yes, he screwed up last night. But he’s here and he’s trying to make
me understand his past and why he reacted the way he did. Humans
aren’t perfect and I can’t let the only example I’ve ever witnessed of
marriage weigh in on my own marriage.
I wipe my eyes and pull myself up. When I look in the mirror, I
don’t see my mother. I just see me. I see a girl who loves her husband
and wants more than anything to be able to help him. I know Ryle
and I are strong enough to move past this. Our love is strong enough
to get us through this.
I walk out of the bathroom and back into the living room. Ryle
stands up and faces me, his face full of fear. He’s scared I’m not going
to forgive him, and I’m not sure that I do forgive him. But an act
doesn’t have to be forgiven in order to learn from it.
I walk over to him and I grab both of his hands in mine. I speak to
him with nothing but naked truth.
“Remember what you said to me on the roof that night? You said,
‘There is no such thing as bad people. We’re all just people who sometimes do
bad things.’ ”
He nods and squeezes my hands.
“You aren’t a bad person, Ryle. I know that. You can still protect
me. When you’re upset, just walk away. And I’ll walk away. We’ll leave
the situation until you’re calm enough to talk about it, okay? You are
not a monster, Ryle. You’re only human. And as humans, we can’t
expect to shoulder all of our pain. Sometimes we have to share it with
the people who love us so we don’t come crashing down from the
weight of it all. But I can’t help you unless I know you need it. Ask me
for help. We’ll get through this, I know we can.”
He exhales what feels like every breath he’s been holding in since
last night. He wraps his arms tightly around me and buries his face in