HANDSOME DEVILS CO.
QUALITY HOT SAUCE
After a quick once-over of the
Handsome Devils packaging, I
knew exactly what I was in for.
‘Handsome Devils’ is a manly-
man name. The logo screams
bougie faux-woodsman, and the
tagline, “curiously crafted by
Australian gentlemen”, reminds
me of every hop-breath craft
beer connoisseur who’s ever
tried to lecture me at a bar.
The website shows pictures of
men with exquisitely groomed
bushranger beards (they also
sell beard oil?!?!) and Akubras.
Sure enough, this hot sauce is
high on heat and low on flavour,
with a horrible bitter aftertaste.
There are no fruit or acid notes
to speak of, and the smoke is
minimal. Does anyone actually
use this on their food, or is it only
for those sad, macho chilli-eating
competitions? Perhaps fittingly,
the only way I could make this hot
sauce taste good was to mix it
with mayonnaise. EREL YUCATECO JALAPEÑA
HOT SAUCE
It’s hard to find good Mexican
food in Australia. What a
middle-class whinge. “These
tacos are just not... authentic
enough. Not like those divine
ones we had from that darling
food truck in LA.” Annoying as
it is, though, it’s pretty true.
Thankfully, there’s always an
assortment of brightly coloured
El Yucateco sauces at every
overpriced, underwhelming
Aussie Mexican joint. It doesn’t
help with the meagre portion
sizes, but it does bring a little
of the spice and flavour you’re
after to any dish. This jalapeño
sauce is an aggressive algal
green, which means it’s healthy
and can be counted as a serving
or six of vegetables. It’s a mild
but somewhat acidic sauce with
a strong onion flavour and a kick
that lingers. El Yucateco should
brand this as a zombie virus
sauce, because it brought my
grey, soulless dinner to life.CCLOUISIANA CHIPOTLE HOT
SAUCE
I’ve been told my asthma is
largely psychosomatic, like
all my ailments. When I saw
that I had to eat a ‘smoky
hot sauce’, my lungs started
to close up and I was filled
with dread. Beyond worrying
that I would turn as blue as
my empty ventolin inhaler,
I also had visions of sickly,
sticky barbecue ribs and
large men in paper bibs
eating sweet smoked meats.
Yet again, my worrying was
for nothing. This sauce isn’t
the smoky BBQ sauce of
my nightmares, but rather
a deeply delicious chipotle
sauce made of only four
ingredients, all of which I
knew. I ended up splashing
it on everything – eggs, tofu,
kale, my cat. The label also
says “one drop does it!”,
which surprised me, because
I thought they were tougher
in America’s South. CCCHOLULA HOT SAUCE
As I write this, I’ve had my
bottle of Cholula for about
four days, and it’s almost
all gone. It’s a very low
heat sauce, but it has such
a delicious and complex
flavour that I’ve been putting
it on everything. I even had
it on a ham salad sandwich
the other day, which turns
out to be the best idea I’ve
had in the kitchen since I
discovered foil-wrapped
roasted beetroot (ohmygod).
They should advertise this
stuff by giving bottles of it to
cute baby actors and having
them drink it down like
formula. The children would
probably have to be paid
hazard loadings because of
the salt content, but in this
era of unstable work, I’m
sure they’d find a willing tot.
Until then, I’d prop it up on a
scallop shell like Botticelli’s
Venus and bathe it in a soft
golden glow. ERthe spice is right
CARO COOPER AND ELEANOR ROBERTSON
PUT THEIR TONGUES TO THE TEST WITH
SOME FIERY HOT SAUCES.
Illustrations Evie Barrow
road test