12 Rules for Life (Full) ENGLISH

selfish. Maybe that selfishness got the upper hand. Maybe she did not oppose
this tendency with enough force and vigour. Maybe she could not agree with
him on the proper disciplinary approach to the children, and shut him out of
their lives, in consequence. Maybe that allowed him to circumvent what he
saw as an unpleasant responsibility. Maybe hatred brewed in the hearts of the
children, watching this underground battle, punished by the resentment of
their mother and alienated, bit by bit, from good old Dad. Maybe the dinners
she prepared for him—or he for her—were cold and bitterly eaten. Maybe all
that unaddressed conflict left both resentful, in a manner unspoken, but
effectively enacted. Maybe all that unspoken trouble started to undermine the
invisible networks that supported the marriage. Maybe respect slowly turned
into contempt, and no one deigned to notice. Maybe love slowly turned into
hate, without mention.
Everything clarified and articulated becomes visible; maybe neither wife
nor husband wished to see or understand. Maybe they left things purposefully
in the fog. Maybe they generated the fog, to hide what they did not want to
see. What did missus gain, when she turned from mistress to maid or mother?
Was it a relief when her sex life disappeared? Could she complain more
profitably to the neighbours and her mother when her husband turned away?
Maybe that was more gratifying, secretly, than anything good that could be
derived from any marriage, no matter how perfect. What can possibly
compare to the pleasures of sophisticated and well-practised martyrdom?
“She’s such a saint, and married to such a terrible man. She deserved much
better.” That’s a gratifying myth to live by, even if unconsciously chosen (the
truth of the situation be damned). Maybe she never really liked her husband.
Maybe she never really liked men, and still doesn’t. Maybe that was her
mother’s fault—or her grandmother’s. Maybe she mimicked their behaviour,
acting out their trouble, transmitted unconsciously, implicitly, down the
generations. Maybe she was taking revenge on her father, or her brother, or
society.
What did her husband gain, for his part, when his sex life at home died?
Did he willingly play along, as martyr, and complain bitterly to his friends?
Did he use it as the excuse he wanted anyway to search for a new lover? Did
he use it to justify the resentment he still felt towards women, in general, for
the rejections he had faced so continuously before falling into his marriage?