short term). That’s the pathway to dependent personality disorder, technically
speaking.^198 It might be regarded as the polar opposite of antisocial
personality disorder, the set of traits characteristic of delinquency in
childhood and adolescence and criminality in adulthood. It would be lovely if
the opposite of a criminal was a saint—but it’s not the case. The opposite of a
criminal is an Oedipal mother, which is its own type of criminal.
The Oedipal mother (and fathers can play this role too, but it’s
comparatively rare) says to her child, “I only live for you.” She does
everything for her children. She ties their shoes, and cuts up their food, and
lets them crawl into bed with her and her partner far too often. That’s a good
and conflict-avoidant method for avoiding unwanted sexual attention, as well.
The Oedipal mother makes a pact with herself, her children, and the devil
himself. The deal is this: “Above all, never leave me. In return, I will do
everything for you. As you age without maturing, you will become worthless
and bitter, but you will never have to take any responsibility, and everything
you do that’s wrong will always be someone else’s fault.” The children can
accept or reject this—and they have some choice in the matter.
The Oedipal mother is the witch in the story of Hansel and Gretel. The two
children in that fairy tale have a new step-mother. She orders her husband to
abandon his children in the forest, as there is a famine and she thinks they eat
too much. He obeys his wife, takes his children deep into the woods and
leaves them to their fate. Wandering, starving and lonely, they come across a
miracle. A house. And not just any house. A candy house. A gingerbread
house. A person who had not been rendered too caring, empathic,
sympathetic and cooperative might be skeptical, and ask, “Is this too good to
be true?” But the children are too young, and too desperate.
Inside the house is a kind old woman, rescuer of distraught children, kind
patter of heads and wiper of noses, all bosom and hips, ready to sacrifice
herself to their every wish, at a moment’s notice. She feeds the children
anything they want, any time they want, and they never have to do anything.
But provision of that kind of care makes her hungry. She puts Hansel into a
cage, to fatten him up ever more efficiently. He fools her into thinking he’s
staying thin by offering her an old bone, when she tries to test his leg for the
desired tenderness. She gets too desperate to wait, eventually, and stokes the
oven, preparing to cook and eat the object of her doting. Gretel, who has