7.

Getting Comfortably Close: The Secure Attachment Style

Writing about people with a secure attachment style seems like a boring
task. After all, what is there to say? If you’re secure, you’re very reliable,
consistent, and trustworthy. You don’t try to dodge intimacy or go nuts over
your relationships. There’s very little drama in your romantic ties—no high
and lows, no yo-yos and roller coasters to speak of. So what is there to
say?”
Actually, there’s a lot to say! In the process of understanding attachment
and how a secure bond can transform someone’s life, we’ve grown to
admire and appreciate the secures of the world. They’re attuned to their
partners’ emotional and physical cues and know how to respond to them.
Their emotional system doesn’t get too riled up in the face of threat (as with
the anxious) but doesn’t get shut down either (as with the avoidant). In this
chapter, you’ll learn more about the secure traits and what makes them
unique. And if you’re secure and don’t usually seek help in the relationship
arena, you’ll be forewarned because you too may one day stumble into an
ineffective relationship that can affect you in a deleterious way.

THE SECURE BUFFERING EFFECT

Time and again, research shows that the best predictor of happiness in a
relationship is a secure attachment style. Studies demonstrate that
individuals with a secure attachment style report higher levels of
satisfaction in their relationships than people with other attachment styles.
Patrick Keelan, as part of his doctoral dissertation at the University of
Toronto, conducted a study to test this issue. Together with the late
psychology professor Kenneth Dion and his longtime research partner and