instead of leaving, well, maybe they deserve it! Others believe that these
people are reliving troubled childhood experiences in their adult life. The
story of Marsha and Craig contradicts these typical assumptions. We met
31-year-old Marsha in the process of conducting interviews for this book.
She was very open and forthcoming in recounting her story to us, and had
no qualms about revealing very intimate and often hurtful moments in her
life. She told us she wanted her story to be told in order to help other
women who might find themselves in similar situations. She wanted them
to know it was possible to get out of a destructive relationship and find
happiness elsewhere. Marsha came from a loving, caring family, and after
her relationship with Craig, she went on to meet an adoring man who
treated her very well. The only “fault” we could find with Marsha was that
she was anxious and Craig was avoidant. As we’ve discussed in chapter 5,
there seems to be a gravitational pull between anxious and avoidant
individuals, and once they become attached, it’s very hard for them to let
go. Marsha’s story demonstrates what transpires in an extreme anxious-
avoidant match and the mental struggle involved in ending it.
Though disturbing, Marsha’s story ends on a hopeful note. We’ve
included it for three reasons: to illustrate the power of the attachment
process, to show that even emotionally healthy individuals can become
entangled in a destructive situation, and to let people in those relationships
know that they can find a better life for themselves if they muster the
strength to leave.
MARSHA’S STORY
I met Craig when I was in college. He was cute and sporty, and I admired
the way he looked. Plus, he was a tutor in physics, my major, doing work
that seemed far more advanced than mine, so I thought he was brilliant.
From the beginning, however, there were things about his behavior that
confused and upset me.
When he first asked me out, I showed up for what I assumed was a date,
only to discover it was a group event with a bunch of his friends. Although
I knew that any woman would have understood his invitation the same way,