living
restaurant. Making the rare shared time out of
the ordinary means that you create memories that
really count, and bond you closer.”
I’ve also found I appreciate the small things
more, too. Earlier this year, two of my best friends
sent me a handmade invite to my hen party and it
was a joy to open something so personal. It means
a lot to receive a card or gift in the post, and it
means even more when friends find the time to
visit or have me stay with them, particularly when
everyone works long hours.
For Laura Parsons, seeing a good friend she met
at university means taking two planes, as she lives
on a remote Scottish island. “But when you get
there it is a magical place. Sophie is also one of
the funniest and wisest women I know,” she says.
“When we see each other again, it feels like no
time has passed. With some people you can just
pick up where you left off,” Laura adds. “We may
not live close by, but some friends are good for
your soul and Sophie is one of them.
“I know she thinks about me and I think about
her. When I was going through a particularly dark
time, because my mother was sick, she sent me a
Chanel nail varnish,” Laura recalls. “Small things
like that make a big difference. It makes me happy
to know that we’re still friends after all this time.”
Another benefit of long-distance friendships is
the enjoyment you get from visiting your friendsin new places. I had mixed feelings seeing friends
move abroad. I was happy for them, but in
a selfish way, I was sad too. But I’ve had the
opportunity to visit San Francisco and Lisbon
to see friends on their home turf and be a part
of their new lives. When I visit friends in London
now, I appreciate the capital far more than when
I lived there.
“When you have a friend that lives a long way
away it gives you a connection to a different
country or culture that you might not otherwise
have,” Alison says. “It is an opportunity to increase
your knowledge of that place, through your friend’s
perceptions of it and your own visits. If you are the
one that has moved away, your friend is an
important conduit to your old home, and all
it means to you.”
Perhaps most importantly, the gradual
realisation that living apart doesn’t signal the end
of a friendship is both comforting and reassuring.
It turns out my fear of growing apart from my
friends was unfounded – and although our lives
will no doubt go in different directions in the
future, I’m positive we will be able to maintain
and grow the bonds we already have.
A well-maintained long-distance friendship is
a huge source of comfort when things are difficult.
“Knowing there’s someone out there in the world
who cares about you can give you an imaginative- or even actual – escape route out of your own
life when it might feel mundane or oppressive,”
explains Alison.
That being said, we do have to work harder
to preserve and cultivate our friendships when
we’re physically apart. This can be difficult when
everyone is busy with work and life gets in the
way. Not everyone has time to pen long letters,
but even a WhatsApp message can lift us when
we’re feeling lonely. A phone call or Skype is
a great way to feel connected. There are certainly
times when I’ve missed being a short journey away
from friends. Sometimes there’s no reason for
missing someone – we just do. But we just have
to remind ourselves that although there is a
distance between us, picking up the phone will
make us feel closer again. It’s hard, yes, but it is
rewarding to know a friendship can withstand
everything life throws at us.
Lydia (centre) was
reunited with her
far-away friends on
her wedding day.
Photograp
hy^ Alex^
Wh
eel
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