wonderedwhetherthere’dbeena
break-in.Notthattherewouldhave
beenmuchtotake,apartfroma tel-
evisionwithrabbitears.Still,itfelt
goodtowalkinwithsomeonewho
wasarmed.Tylerlookedaround,
holdinghisAR-15overhisshoulder.
Allclear.Hegrabbedbootsandwool-
lensocksfroma cupboard.I pulled
themon,andwedousedourselvesin
bugspray.
Wewalkedbackoutsidetounload
thecar.Tylerfiredthreeshotsinto
thesky.Poppoppop.
I jumpedbackwards,shieldingmy
facewithmyforearms.I yelledhis
name.Helaughed.“What?”
I heldmyselfinthatspacejust
beforetears,whereyourcheeks
warmandpressurebuildsintheback
ofyourthroat.I hadn’texpectedtobe
scared.
Weclimbedintoanall-terrain
vehicleandsnakeditthroughthe
woodsintoanopenfield.Herewe
were,surroundedbykilometresof
tallgrass.Powerlinesdissolvedinto
thehorizononeitherside.Thesky
waslavender.
Theplannowwastowait.Asmin-
utesbledintohours,wewerecom-
fortableinthevehicle,talkingabout
ourten-yearplans– I didn’thaveone;
hethoughtthatwasrisky– thegun
andtheLabradorrestingbetweenus.
AnyanxietyI’dfeltearlierwasgone.
I don’t buyinto the ideathat
normalpeoplearemoresensible,
intrinsically,than Washington
lawmakers.Buttheyarecertainly
morecomplicatedthantheirlead-
erscaretoadmit.Lawmakersof
bothpartiesarealienatingreason-
ableandresponsiblegunowners
outofdeferencetoextremists.Ac-
knowledgingtheambiguities,the
greyareas,ofAmericanattitudes
towardsguns– allthethingsthat
couldmakeagun-violencevictim
wanttogoshootingorafirearms
dealerdecidetoregulatehisown
shop– won’tsolvethisproblemor
single-handedlystemgundeaths.
Butcontinuingtoseethingsinthe
currenttermsprettymuchguaran-
teesthatwe’llgetnowhere.
AsmyeveningwithTylerworeon,
nohogsappeared.ButI wantedto
shoottheAR-15,soTylerproposed
targetpractice.Hewalkedoutinto
thefieldandbalancedemptycans
oneontopofanother.
I nestledthestockintomyshoul-
derandsteadiedthereddotonthe
topcan.I pulledthetrigger.Thecan
explodedintotheair,a blueblur.A
piercingringfollowedandmadethe
restoftheworldseemstill.I caught
themetallicscentofgunpowder.
“Thebestsmellinthewholewide
world,”Tylersaid.
I snappedonthesafety,andhe
restackedthecanssoI couldgo
again.Thesamedeafeningpopsthat
hadalmostsentmespirallinga few
hoursearliernowsetloosea sweet
doseofadrenaline.I was happy. I
didn’t want tobe.42 March 2020
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