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You may choose abuse over abandonment if you’ve
experienced loss as a child. Letting them go or leaving
may feel terrifying, like you’re physically dying. My
therapist shared this with me when I had trouble
forgiving myself for staying for so long.You may start dropping weight, but it won’t be enough.
That’s the way they keep you small and try to make you
feel insignificant, unworthy, and unattractive.It may take years to get your voice back. You may still feel fearful or frightened at the mention of their name. The legal system
rarely protects women, and perhaps your silence has made you feel helpless, or angry at your inaction or inability to leave or
fight back. Be gentle with yourself. Kindness may be unfamiliar, but it can be learned.Abuse Over Abuse Over
Abandonment.Abandonment.
You Feel Like a Scared Child.You Feel Like a Scared Child.
They Criticize They Criticize
Your Appearance.Your Appearance.
You may have been isolated from them, which makes it harder to reconnect and really hear their fears. Many years ago my friend
Michael Franti called me and said he was concerned about what he was seeing and how I was changing, being dominated in
public, and losing my spirit. I knew he was right, but I couldn’t let go without professional help, and it just made me feel more
ashamed to hear someone say it out loud. It felt like an addiction, like I deserved to be harmed. My wounded inner child was
driving, not the powerful woman I had identified with previously. Relationships can be a tripwire for bringing up painful abusive
patterns from childhood. Strong women can experience this the most, in case you’re wondering, “How did I get here?”Your Friends Are Concerned.Your Friends Are Concerned.
The Courts May The Courts May NNot Protect You. ot Protect You.
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I’ve never said this in public before. There’s a lot of shame
here, and it certainly doesn’t make me proud. I want you to
know the court system may not be on your side if he can
outspend you or outflex you politically. After going to the
emergency room at the hands of a former partner, then his
doctor having to place 7+ needles in my neck for me to be
able to move without overwhelming pain, and working with
a court-suggested agency for therapy for almost a year, he
was arrested for domestic violence for another incident. He
tells them I also hit him, so I was arrested. I was covered
with red marks and scratches. The police noted he had no
marks or injuries. My charges were dropped when the DA
saw that he had previously paid me $100,000 for a semi-
concussion I received the earlier year. Like a good victim, I
asked the DA to drop his charges so the entire embarrassing
mess could be over with.The day his charges were dismissed, he served me with
papers for a protection order, against me. Me. Sometimes
rich men use the court system as their personal concierge
service, to gag the victim, quiet her, and discredit her. This is
where they can make themselves the victim, and you’re the
crazy bad guy, so if you were ever to open your mouth, they
have proof of their innocence. Last year was eight years since
there was any contact, and he’s so angry that someone told
him no that he keeps this order going.He’s a decade-long donor to a state politician, now governor,
who placed him on his team. This governor also placed the
judge on the bench who oversaw our hearing last year. Look,
the system wasn’t built to protect you, support you, and it’s
not necessarily interested in the truth. So don’t let it crush
you when it does what it was designed to do: protect the rich
and connected, and keep you quiet. The courts many times
act like a personal concierge service for rich, white men.
Don’t let the injustice shock you into disbelief and despair.Strong women experience
this the most, in case you’re
wondering how you got here.
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