Who doesn’t love a good ditty? A song to make you happy, or to
soothe a wounded soul when you’re feeling down. We make mixtapes
for crushes and have sing-alongs on road trips. Some songs are
guilty pleasures, others prompt memories of good times gone by.
But not all songs are what they seem. For every sweet serenade full
of touching sentiment, there’s a tune with a hidden whiff of sinister
intent. What is it about a catchy chorus that makes us forgive the
fact some lyrics are creepy as fuck?
I read somewhere that music ‘back in the day’ was ‘nicer’ and less
offensive. However, after taking a closer look, I’m not so sure. While
The Beatles sang about wanting to hold your hand, Freddie Mercury
confessed to first-degree murder... to his mother, no less.
Bruce Springsteen, performer of palatable and uplifting rock
anthems, similarly decided to be an A-grade creep when he sang:
“Hey little girl, is your daddy home? / Did he go away and leave you all
alone? / I got a bad desire, I’m on fire,” during one of
his supposedly metaphor-filled songs. (Seems suss, mate.)
Billy Ocean was even more brazen with his boorish behaviour,
insisting some random hottie get out of his dreams and into his
car – which sounds less like a love song and more like the demands
of the world’s creepiest Uber driver.
changing tune
DANIEL MOORE REWRITES SOME OF
HISTORY’S CREEPIEST POP LYRICS.
Traditionally, the loudest critics have come down hard on rap music,
proclaiming it to be profane and hateful. Yet there’s barely a murmur
when it comes to unsettling pop songs of days gone by. We somehow
overlook creepy comments when they’re accompanied by a funky
tune. So, I’ve decided to take it upon myself to rewrite some of the
more alarming lyrics.
First off the bat, Sting and his ironically named band, The Police:Every breath you take;
Every move you make;
Every bond you break;
Every step you take;
I’ll totally respect your personal space and do everything
I can to ensure I don’t make you feel unsafe.
Oh, can’t you see?
You belong to (no one, you’re your own person and you’re
strong and independent);
My poor heart aches (but I have a good support network of friends
to call on when things get really bad and definitely won’t emotionally
dump on you or manipulate you into feeling bad for me);
With every step you take (which I’m definitely not aware of because
I’m giving you the time and space you expect and deserve).
Then there’s Bob Marley’s sweet little tale of kindness:
I high-fived the sheriff;
And then I hugged the deputy (and definitely no one got shot,
because I value and respect the law and those who enforce it).
Granted, my versions aren’t as catchy, but I think there’s merit
to them. I get that music is an art form, and a tale of murder and
mayhem doesn’t necessarily reflect a real-life desire to engage in
those activities, but I also reckon there’s a fair argument for making
our popular tunes a bit less rapey. Some songs are just too jaunty for
their own good. They trick you into ignoring the lyrics and, before you
know it, you’re humming along gleefully about burying a loved one.
I’m looking at you, Nick Cave.rant