Happiful_May_2019

Writing | Maxine Ali Illustrating | Rosan Magar

1 Recognise that milestones

are arbitrary

First, ask yourself why the rush?

We’ve grown up with the narrative

that people have their dream career

by their 20s, are married with kids in

their 30s, and set up enough to retire

by 55. Society teaches us to uphold

made-up milestones that create a

sense of urgency where there is none.

2 Stay in the moment

Easier said than done, I know. Being

in the moment is not something

that comes naturally to most of us.

It’s a skill that takes time, patience,

practise, and compassion. You aren’t

going to do it perfectly straight away,

and you don’t have to.

To ease yourself in, try doing one

mindful task a day, where you keep

your attention on the thing at hand.

If you stop worrying about whether

you’ll be good or bad, you can learn

to enjoy the places your mind goes,

and not get too anxious when it

strays from what you’re doing.

We are a society of goal-setters; a culture defined by how much we can achieve

in the shortest space of time. But by slowing down a little, and recognising even

the smallest of achievements, we can learn to enjoy the process

4

ESSENTIAL

STEPS

We have so much more to offer,

and so much more to gain, from

O letting go of the outcome

ur career, relationships,

often our entire lives,

are conducted with

achievement in mind

• a set of objectives
  we must complete to
  feel satisfied with who we are. And
  who can blame us? With social media
  bombarding us with people’s highlight
  reels, is it really any wonder that we
  fall into the habit of fixating on the
  outcome instead of learning to enjoy
  the process?
  While goal-setting has its value,
  too much fixation on them can rob
  us of the pleasure of in-the-moment
  experiences. Our infatuation can lead
  us to take shortcuts, make mistakes,
  and displace the value of time, effort
  and patience. It can enable us to
  compromise on our ethical values,
  which never bodes well for taking care
  of our mental health.
  Being too goal-oriented can lead
  to a state of perpetual dissatisfaction
  with the present. We look at ourselves
  through the lens of self-criticism,
  feeling like we are never enough.
  Too much goal-setting can cause a
  persistent case of ‘what next syndrome’,
  continuously seeking the next thing to
  strive for, and never appreciating what
  we have here and now.

Some suggest that goal orientation

is in our DNA, an instinct embedded

in us for the pure sake of survival.

Whether it’s searching out food to

satisfy our hunger, or finding a mate

to continue our genetic line, outcomes

are part of our reflexive make up. But

we don’t live to survive, do we? We

have so much more to offer, and so

much more to gain, from letting go of

the outcome and learning to enjoy the

process instead.

But once you recognise that,

actually, these milestones don’t have

to be the predictor of your life, it

takes the pressure off and allows you

to find purpose in the present – not

where you have to be in 10 years.

Enjoy the process