C4 eZ re k the washington post.friday, march 13 , 2020
ACROSS
1 201 9 Pan
American
Games city
5 Present to an
audience
10 Nat’s hat
13 Norse deity
14 Syndicated
show, say
15 Smooth-talking
17 “It’s been a
while since I
shopped till I
dropped”?
20 Revise
21 Bud
22 Annually
23 __ Cruces
25 Convent figure
27 Pastoral exhor-
tation to a
graffiti artist?
32 Belgian __
33 Special ops
acronym
34 Some bank jobs
38 Lack
40 Set down
42 Bender
43 Meddles
45 Pack (down)
47 Mauna __
48 Bargain hunter’s
forte?
51 Moby-Dick, e.g.
53 Vote in favor
54 Many Oscar
night attendees
55 Sun, for one
58 Social division
62 Trojan king
struck dumb?
65 Sources of
cones
66 Dabbling ducks
67 Cable car
68 Fabled beast
69 Ad guy respon-
sible for four
long puzzle
answers?
70 Roll call call
DOWN
1 Kinks title
woman with
“a dark brown
voice”
2 Word after
fallen or false
3 Like new
4 Actress Kinsey
of “The Office”
5 Asian honorific
6 Census worker,
for one
7 Location
8 Legislation that
varies from
state to state
9 Eclectic musi-
cian Brian
10 Prepare for
print
11 Buenos __
12 Earnest
requests
16 “__ Blues”:
Beatles “White
Album” song
18 Cafeteria stack
19 Buffalo skater
24 Intervenes
26 Prague’s region
27 Maxims
28 It often under-
goes changes
29 First female
attorney
general
30 Burt’s musical
collaborator
31 Send
35 Arias, usually
36 Animation
product
37 Unattached
39 Joint Chiefs, for
example
41 Joltin’ joe?
44 Refracting
polyhedron
46 Intimidate men-
tally, with “out”
49 “The Last of
the Mohicans”
author
50 Toast word
51 Heart chambers
52 Hideouts
54 Banana Boat
letters
56 Copy room unit
57 One sometimes
seen with Boris
59 Withered
60 Romanov title
61 Salinger char-
acter who says,
“I prefer stories
about squalor”
63 “The Racer’s
Edge”
64 Gp. that
sometimes has
an added “Y”
LA TIMES CROSSWORD By Winston Emmons
THURSDAY’S LA TIMES SOLUTION
© 2020 Tribune Content Agency, LLC. 3/13/20
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Dear Carolyn: A
friend’s d aughter
is planning a very
expensive
wedding. The
bride’s p arents
wrote a check and
said she c ould
plan her wedding
without their input. They h oped
this would avoid fights.
The bride recently told h er
mother she w ill be excluded from
wedding photos u nless the
mother’s dress, jewelry, m akeup
and h airstyle m eet the bride’s
precise color, s tyle and o ther
requirements. Presumably, t he
mother of the groom also is b eing
required to comply.
Some friends have a dvised t he
bride’s m other to wear whatever
her d aughter w ants. Others t hink
the b ride will back down as long
as the m other wears a formal
mother-of-the-bride outfit. What
do you think?
— F riend
Friend: I t hink your friend raised
a monster.
What outfit coordinates best
with one’s m onster is not my a rea
of expertise.
I do suggest, though, in dealing
with an irrationally self-
important a nd utterly priority-
challenged bride, that your f riend
make a decision upfront and s tick
to it: either all in, or all out,
because there’s t oo m uch f riction
in the middle.
The all-in option i s to say to the
daughter, “ Wow, t hat sounds
stressful. Just t ell me w hat to
wear and I’ll wear it.”
The all-out option is to say,
“Wow, that sounds s tressful. I’ll do
my b est but expect to take pictures
without me.” No negative voice
inflections whatsoever.
I’d also tell y our friend not to
worry too m uch about which o ne
she chooses, because they’re trick
answers: Both are the wrong thing,
because to someone c apable o f
saying to her m other, “You will be
excluded from wedding photos
unless y our dress, jewelry, m akeup
and hairstyle meet my p recise
color, s tyle and other
requirements,” t he “right” t hing
has been replaced by raving
lunacy. The laws of social physics
no longer apply.
Unless, of course, this is wildly
out o f character for the d aughter
and t he m other has a warm, c lose,
honest relationship w ith her. In
that case, t he mother can try to
brake this runaway train: “Life
isn’t p erfect, marriages a ren’t
perfect, weddings a ren’t p erfect. I
worry a bout the pressure you’re
putting o n yourself and e veryone
else.”
Or the verbal-dope-slap
equivalent: “ We d idn’t r aise you
to treat p eople l ike this.”
Presuming a bit here.
But I ’m n ot hopeful. S o, my r eal
advice is to you and her other
friends: Be ready w ith w arm hugs
and c ool b everages. Mom’ll need
plenty of b oth.
Dear Carolyn: My beloved dog
died suddenly two years ago today.
It w as devastating, and I’ve never
felt grief like that before. I still tear
up, and this whole week, knowing
the anniversary w as coming, I ’ve
been sad and grumpy. I know she
was “just” a dog, and what worries
me with aging parents and a child
with significant health i ssues —
currently thriving — is, how am I
ever going to get through a day
when a person I l ove dies, when I
am still mourning my b eloved
pet?
— A nonymous
Anonymous: You just will.
Because that’s what p eople do.
Though I hope you’re spared
any worst-case scenarios.
And if it helps: Grief is not
linear. It’s n ot as i f you f elt X for
your doggy, and will thus feel 2 X
for a person. Each grief is its own
thing, for pets i ncluded, and
there’s n o anticipating i t; just
assume it will take you wherever
it means t o go.
Write to carolyn hax at
[email protected]. get her column
delivered to your inbox each morning
at wapo.st/haxpost.
Join the discussion live at noon
fr idays at live.washingtonpost.com
Perfect monster wants perfect wedding
Carolyn
Hax
nick galifianakis for the Washington Post
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