the washington post.
friday, march 13, 2020eZ
6I
s tart off my day by sleeping in until 11 a.m. and then I
head up Philz Coffee in Dupont. I order a large
Philharmonic — they add a little piece of mint, which
normally I don’t t hink goes with coffee, but they make
it really well.
I go to the Library of Congress. The topic of the panel
discussion is foreign policy. And seeing as how I majored
in government at t he University of Virginia, I’m thrilled to
see that they have free food at the event and that the stuff
they’re talking about kind of relates to what I studied. I
grab a small paper plate and two carrots and sit down. I
leave feeling enriched and like my eyes have been open,
though it could just be from the carrots.
I leave the panel and I realize it’s noon. And I know that
because I’m seeing a lot of grown men carrying salads just
walking around, and I’m like, “Oh my G od, it’s grown men
carrying salads o’clock!” I feel like I should also have a
salad to fit in and be healthy. I can’t decide whether I
should go t o Chopt or Sweetgreen. I like both of them, but
to me Chopt is as if Microsoft made salad and Sweetgreen
is as if Apple made salads. I have an iPhone, so I go to
Sweetgreen. I get the Harvest bowl because it’s got
everything you want, and it’s not too crazy.
Next, I stop by the U.S. Capitol and ask to testify before
Congress. At first they’re like, no way. But then I explain
that I just got back from a panel discussion, and I have
some pretty good ideas. I get to the podium and I solve the
Middle East instantly, and it becomes national news. I do
so well that they ask me to headline the White House
correspondents’ dinner that night. And because I have
experience in roasting people, I rise to the challenge.
I take a scooter to Georgetown because I’m trying to
prepare for tonight, but because comedy comes naturally
to me and this is going to be on TV, I’m thinking about my
outfit. I go into Urban Outfitters and get the fanciest and
most expensive crop top I can find. A lot of people may be
like, well that’s an inappropriate choice for the White
House correspondents’ dinner, but those people don’t
have abs. Besides, the lectern is going to cover my midriff,
so I really don’t see what the big deal is.
After that, I head to the National Gallery of Art to clear
my head and think about my set. I love it there, and I have
it closed for the day so there are no lines. Lines aren’t
usually an issue in art galleries, but I’m not taking any
chances and I really don’t want to be around people. And
because I’m kind of a celebrity, they let me touch the
paintings.
Then I run my s et a t my f avorite comedy venues, the DC
Improv and the Big Hunt. They’re both my home clubs.
The Big Hunt is a really cool room and the DC Improv is
probably the best official comedy club in the city. Both of
them have great crowds and they run amazing shows.
I’m still nervous because it’s a tough gig, the White House
correspondents’ dinner, because people don’t want to laugh
at t heir contemporaries. So I go t o the Washington Hilton a
li ttle nervous. But the politicians there know me as the
bipartisan hero from earlier and they trust me because I just
solved the Middle East. So I murder, and there are multiple
applause breaks and standing ovations even from the really
old congresspeople who have trouble standing.
After the show we head to the Smith in Chinatown
because I like the menu there, and it has a nice open space
for people to give me compliments. That is my after-party.
I get the burger. Normally I do a side salad, but today I’m
doing french fries because everyone already saw my abs.
[email protected]My D.C. Dream Day
Diplomacy, then dinner for comedian
In D.C. Dream Day, we ask our favorite people in the area to tell us
how they would spend a perfect day in the District.
Near the end of her first year in law school at George Washington
University, Reston native Denise Taylor did something most of her
classmates must have thought was absurd: She started doing comedy.
“I was always an aspiring funny person,” Taylor says. “Everyone
always told me that I should get into stand-up, and after I graduated
college, there was kind of no way to pursue comedy professionally
that wasn’t stand-up, so I started doing stand-up.”The 27-year-old Dupont Circle resident works for the federal
government by day, but at night she tells jokes at the Big Hunt, the DC
Improv and the Kennedy Center. She has become a fixture in the
District’s comedy scene, thanks to her sharp and sardonic humor.
She’s also a regular contributor to the Onion, writing headlines for the
satirical website. For her D.C. dream day, Taylor will put her education
and her comedy skills to use in ways that most people could only, well,
dream of.
— as told to Rudi GreenbergBill o’leary/the Washington post
Lines aren’t usually an issue at the National Gallery of Art, where comedian Denise Taylor would head on her D.C.
dream day to clear her head and think about her big set that night.Dixie D. vereen For the Washington postMarvin Joseph/the Washington post
Regarding her big set, Taylor would be the featured
speaker at the White House Correspondents’
Association dinner, above, where she absolutely slays
the room. After the dinner performance, she would
head to the Smith to get a burger and fries.UPLOADED BY "What's News" vk.com/wsnws TELEGRAM: t.me/whatsnws