2020-04-01_Mother_&_Baby

If you’veeverdoubtedyourself,you’renot alone.

Buthere’swhy youshouldgive yourselfa break...

Mum

fullstory.’ Sowhileyoumightseea gorgeous

photoofa happy, smiley mumandher

adorablebubsgurningaway onInstagram,

therealitycouldbethattwominuteslater

thatmumis coveredinporridge(orworse),

callingherhusbandatworkforthethird time

becauseshecan’t imaginehow she’s going

tomakeit throughaloneuntilbedtime.

‘Ifyouare followingcertainpeoplethatare

givinga particularimpressionof motherhood,

andyouare feelinglikeyouare drawnto

compareyourexperiencetotheirs,it’s really

wisetomuteorunfollowthemfora while,’

suggestsAnna.‘We’reallnaturallymore

vulnerabletocomparisonwhenwe’retired

andhave hada badday. Butusingcomparison

tomeasurehow you’redoingisn’t healthy.’

INFORMATIONOVERLOAD

Seeingtheimpact that beingconstantly

plugged intosocialmediacanhave on your

mind,it canbehard tolistento what’s

actuallygoingonupthere anyway. We’ve

allheardof so-calledmother’sintuition,

butis it at riskof beingdrownedoutamidst

alltheothernoise?‘Weallhaveanintuition

andaninstinct,butit’s simplya senseof

“‘Ifeellikethisis rightorwrong”rather

thanbeingdirectlyrelatedto beinga

mum,’saysAnna.

Butbeingable toaccessinformation

24/7throughthelikesof Google and

parentingforumsmeansthat youmay be

a lotlesslikelytolistento thesmallquiet

voiceinsideyourhead.‘We overresearch,

weovershare, we seetoomuchandwe know

toomuch,whichmeanswe’velostourown

abilitytojustbedirectedby whatwe feel is

rightforourchild,’saysAnna.‘Insteadof

listeningto yourself,yougototheinternet,

where you’re absolutelybombardedwith

multipleresponsesto yourquestionsandare

leftevenmore confused.’

I

t’s your first day at your brand-new

dreamjob, andyou’reexcitedbut

nervous. There’s somuchto learn

andtogettogripswith,butyouknow

that it willtakea whileto startfeeling

athomeina newroleandtoget to

knowthepeopleand,besides,you’realways

goingtobelearning...andthat’s OK!

Whenyouthinkaboutit,startinga new

jobhasa lotof similaritiesto becominga

mum(althoughthe outfits are probablya bit

different), but when you step foot in that new

office,or shop, or school,you don’t expectto

knoweverythingimmediately.So whydowe

thinkwe’ve gotto beemployeeofthemonth

on our first day of motherhood?

Whetheryou’re themumof a tiny, sleepy

newborn,ora bouncy, boisteroustoddler,

motherhoodis anexperiencelikenoother.

Anddespitetheparentingbooksandwebsites

weallpore over, andtheprenatalclasseswe

giveupourweekendstoattend,many of

usstillfeelwildlyoutof ourcomfortzone

whenthebaby arrives andintheweeks

andmonthsthat follow.

FAKENEWS

We’veallexperiencedthosepanicked ‘What

doI do!?’moments, butworryingabout

yourabilitiesasa mumhasbecomethenew

normalfora lotofus. Why?

‘There’sa massiveincreaseinouruseof

socialmedia,where we’re constantlyexposed

tohowothermumsareparenting,andthis

is a breedinggroundforcomparison,’says

psychotherapistAnnaMathur.‘We are hard-

wired tobelieve whatwe see historically,

before allthemanipulationofcontent,

what we sa w wasactuallya fairrepresentation

of whatwastrue. Butwhilethisisn’t

necessarilythecaseanymore, ourbrains

haven’tcaughtup, sowe haveto continually

beremindedthatwhatwe seemay notbethe

knows best

MEETTHE

EXPERT

Anna Mathur is
a psychotherapist,
author of Mind
Over Mother
(£12.99, Piatkus),
out in May, and a
mum of three

motherandbaby.co.uk | April 2020 | 85

Life&Kids