2020-02-01_Fortean_Times

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J

apan’smostpersistent electoral

candidate is surelyTVstarYo shiro

Nakamatsu,aka ‘Dr NakaMats’, who

claims to be theworld’sgreatest

inventor on the basis of his (purported)

design of the floppydiskin1952. Among

hisothercreations areaperpetual-motion

machine,apairof‘InvisibleGlasses’shaped

likehumaneyes, and the ‘PyonPyonJumping

Shoes’, which alloweventhe most flat-footed

of assailants to impersonate Spring-heeled

Jack with ease.The winner ofa2005IgNobel

Prize, NakaMats credits his 4,000-plus

patents to the riskymethodofimmersing

himself underwater until only“0.5seconds

from death”, the lackofoxygenproving a

spur to hisgrey matter.Arguinginhis book

Invention ofPolitics and How to Become a

SupermanLying Downthat politicsitself

is an “invisible invention”, he has been

fruitlesslybouncingforhighofficesince

1995.

In 2010 and2013,Nakamatsu chose to fly

the bannerofthe newHappiness Realisation

Party (HRP), dressing asaTibetan Buddhist

monk in honourofthe HRP’sfounder...

who claims to be Buddha himself.Both Dr

NakaMats and the HRP shareaprofound

concernaboutJapan’sfallingbirthrate.

NakaMats once soldaRoboCop-friendly

condom withamagnetinside to enhance

penile pleasure,but nowprefers to market

his ‘Love Jet’ fluid,astimulating perfume

forthe genitals intended to “save Japan”

from impending demographic doom.^1 This

is also the aim of ‘Master’ Ryuho Okawa,

whofounded the HRP as an offshoot of his

HappyScience(Kofuku-no-Kagaku)religious

movement in 2009,thedifference being that

he aims to achieve such an outcome via a

unique blend ofnuclearre-armament, open-

door immigration,free-market economics

and communication with the dead.

THE HAPPIEST HUMAN IN THE

HUMAN RACE

HappyScience(HS)wasfoundedbyOkawa

in 1986,following an ecstaticexperience

termed ‘The Great Enlightenment’.

According toafull hagiographyonthe HS

website, Okawa(who hadread 1,000 books

bythe age of 20) beganasanemployeeof

the “major trading company”Tomenin

their NewYorkoffices, where, in theTw in

Towers,hedevelopedatwinregardfor the

ostensibly unrelated spheres of free-market

capitalism and NewAge spirituality.On23

March 1981, duringararebreak fromwork,

the 24-year-old Okawasuddenlysensed an

“invisible presence” andgrabbedapencil.

Then, he said:“My hand holding the pencil

began to move as if it hadalife of itsown.

On cardafter card it wrote thewordsGood

News, Good News, Good News...”TheGood

Newswasthat hewasBuddhareborn. Rather

thanrenouncingall worldlygoods,this time

aroundBuddhacontinued togrease the

wheels of global commodity-exchange until,

on 17June 1986, “high spirits came down

one after another from the heavenlyworld”

to adviseacareer-change. Okawahanded

in his notice and “stood up aloneforthe

salvation of all humanityattheexpense of

his personal life”. By that October,HShad

beenfounded,andwaslegallycertified as

areligious movement–and thus, officially

notacult–in JapaninMarch 1991. Prior to

this, it preferredtoposeasbeingsimply “a

graduate schoolforlife”.

If youthink Okawa’s claim to have read

over1,000 books is impressive,just consider

that he haswrittenover 2,500! In 2011,

he made GuinnessWorldRecordsafter

publishing 52 titles–one perweek–during

the previousyear.By2014, eventhis seemed

lazy,with161 tomeshittingshelves. Many

Japanese bookstores maintainaspecial

‘OkawaCorner’ wherefanscan peruse his

worksinavariety offormats. Some books

have become bestsellers, with his early work

TheLaws of the Sunshiftingamillion copies.

Admittedly, Okawahashadalittle help

in penning them,as mostwere channelled

down from discarnate spirits, gods and

aliens.Oneentity from whichOkawahas

drawninspiration is El Cantare, described

as “God of the Earth”and “TheTree of Life”

–namely, God Himself.ElCantareisthe

ultimate source ofeveryEarthreligion,and

planstoreuniteall faiths in Hisworship, as

Herevealed to Okawaupon the dayofthe

minor Sun god Emperor Hirohito’s death

in 1989.Rarely, El Cantareallows His “core

consciousness” to inhabitahuman bodyin

theform of anavatar; previous incarnations

have included Hermes in ancient Greece

and, 2,500yearsago,Gautama Buddha in

India and Nepal. GautamawasElCantare’s

last incarnation prior to 1956,whenMaster

Okawawas (re)born.^2 But whyisBuddha

nowpromoting the free-market?

MASTEROFTHE UNIVERSE

Okawabills himself as “CEO of the Happy

ScienceGroup”, whichfollows the traditional

management structureofalargeJapanese

corporation. Photos showawell-groomed,

presentablesalarymantype in smartsuit

and tie, notasemi-naked, long-bearded

guru. In 1991,apiece of primeTokyo real-

estatewasacquiredforthe HS HQ,thereby

In the first of two reports,SD TUCKERmeets somevery Ha ppy Chappies who aim to spread joy

and peace worldwide–bypreparing Japanfor nu clea rwar on the advice of famous ghosts.

IF YOU’REHAPPYAND YOU

KNOWIT, BOMB KOREA

STRANGE STATESMEN #36

LEFT:Yoshiro Nakamatsu demonstrates his amazing

‘PyonPyon Jumping Shoes’.

HIS PREVIOUS

INCARNATIONS

INCLUDEHERMES

AND BUDDHA

YO

SHIKAZU TSUNO

/A

FP

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