FT389 57theexpected blast. ‘When six of
us young physicists arrivedin
Bikini severalmonthsbeforethe
test, but after an immense effort
bythousandsworkingforthe
contractor...we found that the
gammarays fromaradioactive
test sourcewouldn’tpass through
thevacuum pipelinesfora
distance of twomiles.’”
Oh dear.Andwhynot? Because
the contractorshad built the
pipes levelwith theground. At
the end furthest from the test
site,following the curve of the
Earth, they were 32in (81cm)
lowerthan theyshouldhavebeen.
Once the scientists had had them
straightened out, allwent well.
But as Colgate said at the time:
“OhmyGod,theyforgotthat the
Earth isround!”
Thereare manyplaces in this
book (well,about 100) where
Carpenter andreality are
strangelydetached from each
other.Other ‘proofs’ areeither
so convoluted or so aggressively
stated as to amount to no proof of anything
except militant assertion; thesewepass
overinsilence.Herecomesaselection
of the most outstanding that layclaim to
reasoning.
Yo ucouldchoose anyline of latitude
to argueabout, but Carpenter selects 45 ̊
as suitable–that is, halfway betweenthe
poles and the equator.Hemaintains (see
Proofs 63,78) that ships circumnavigating
the globe along the southern latitude take
vastlylonger than travellersalong the
same northern latitude. As indeed they
would,were the Earth to be flat.This is
difficult to digest, asaglance ataworld
map will showthat onlyanamphibious
vessel could manage the northern
journey. Carpenter cites the southern
circumnavigation of HMSChallenger,
whichcovered“indirectly, to be sure”
nearly 69,000 nautical miles in her three-
year voyage (1872–76).Challengerdidn’t
followthe 45th parallel,andif she had
shewould still have addedabit to the
calculated (global) distance in order to
dodge South America and the Antipodes;
and the length of theoverall journey
would include sailing south to the 45th,
and backnorth to England.But“indirectly,
to be sure” indeed describes hervoyage,
as that actuallyinvolvedsailing south
down the Alantic, heading east to
circumnavigateAustralia, then north into
thePacific, then south and around Cape
Horn beforecruising north pastWest
Africa and crossing the Atlantic to have
asnoop around Newfoundland and then
south again to nose around theWest Indies
beforeheading backtoEngland. Not bad
forapaddle-assisted sailing ship,and not
exactlyyour direct trip alongasouthern
parallel, either.(Asimilar fast one is
pulledbyother Flat Earthers, who cite the
circumnavigations of Capt.JamesCook,
whosevoyages–especiallyhis second –
were equally, if not more, tortuous.)
One of Carpenter’sothercurious claims
is that theworldiscooler south of the
equator.Tellthat to theAustralians, or
whoever, if anyone, livesinthe Atacama
Desert.
Wehave afineexample of Carpenter
making the wrong assumptions in his
treatment of the compass needle, which,
weall know, points north.Carpenter,
taking the flat Earthforgranted, insists
(Proof 11) that t’other end of the needle
thereforepoints in all directions south,
and thisaproof that the Earth is not a
globe. Sure, ifyour reasoning is circular.
But onaglobular Earth, the other end
of the needlemustpoint (roughly) to
the SouthPole. Carpenter’swonkylogic
excels itself in Proof 13:“Asthe mariner’s
compass points north and south at the
same time, andameridian isanorthand
south line,it follows that meridians can
be no other than straight lines. But since
all meridians onaglobe aresemicircles,
it is an incontrovertible proof that the
Earth is notaglobe.”Well,notquite. A
meridian–alineoflatitude–isstraight
as adie,viewedfromdirectlyabove as aline frompole to pole.It’sonly‘semi-
circular’ when viewedfromanangle.
So Mr Carpenter’sproof is notso
incontrovertible after all.
Thenwehave hisvarious
objections to globularity,which,in
so manywords, suggest that people
in the southern hemispherewould
fall into space. He nevermentions
theword ‘gravity’, but it’sclear he
rejects theveryidea ofit (Proofs
21, 86, 87).That people, cats,chess
tables or trains don’tdropawayinto
infinitudes isaproof that the Earth
is flat,and furthermoreismotionless
in space.Whypeople don’tjust
getblownoffinto space in mighty
storms, he doesn’texplain. On a
related point (Proof 85), he assures
us that rivers don’t flowuphill (true,
indeed), so rivers flowing south-
to-north arepossible onlyonaflat
Earth, since onaglobe theywould
have to be flowing upward.Butona
globe–oranywhere–rivers flowdownhill
just the same, from high points to low, in
anydirection.Gravity,that Newtonian
unmentionable, has somewhat to do with
this, aswell as the strange truth that in
space thereisn’t reallyan‘up’, ‘down’ or
evenasideways: if the south magnetic
polewere strongerthan the north,
cartographersmightwell have drawntheir
maps the otherwayup.
Some of Carpenter’sproofsare flat-out
lies: see No 71, in whichheclaims that
the North Star has been seen 20 ̊ south of
the equator.Noithasn’t. It isn’tvisible
belowthe equator at all, to whichwecan
attest from personalexperience.And
some arejust plainweird,as in No 93:
“Wehaveseen that astronomers–to give
us alevel surface on whichtolive–have
cut off one half of the ‘globe’ inacertain
pictureintheir books. Now... one half of
the substance of their ‘spherical theory’
is givenup!... Nothingremains, then, but
aplane Earth, whichis, of course,aproof
that the Earth is notaglobe.”Bythe same
logic, an anatomical drawing ofahuman
leg–just the one–would implythat
humans hopabout, and do not actually
walk on twofeet.
Fromvariouscomments (see Proof 17,
and the introduction, and other Proofs
passim)itbecomes clear that Carpenter’s
real gripe is with ‘science’, whichhesees
as defying theWord of God.Tothatextent
flat-Eartherism is ofapiece with thegreat
19th-centuryprotest against Darwin,
whichcreatedafalsedichotomyand
factitious hostilities between science and
religion. Carpenter’sbookisamonument
to being on the wrong side of both.William Carpenter,One Hundred Proofs
thatthe Earth is notaGlobe,Nouveau
Classics (1885) 2017.“IFABOOKABOUT FAIL-URES DOESN‘TSELL,IS ITASUCCESS?”Jerry SeinfieldABOVE:WilliamCarpenterpicturedinthe
BuffaloEveningNewsin1885.