How to (de)motivate ourselves
There are two kinds of self-talk: the first is the unselfconscious babbling
of little children as they play or the thinking aloud of contestants in TV
shows such as Who Wants to be a Millionaire? These types of inner
monologue were called ‘egocentric speech’ by the developmental
psychologist Jean Piaget. He believed they were a sign of cognitive
immaturity. Today, we know that thinking aloud is an excellent method for
ordering our thoughts and improving concentration.
The second type of self-talk is the inner dialogue. We comment on our
own behaviour in a similar way to a sports commentator reporting on
events during a football match (the only difference being that the
footballers can’t hear the comments, whereas we constantly have our
‘internal moderator’ in our ear). In the field of psychology, this is
considered to be a healthy form of self-evaluation. However, a distinction
is made between positive and negative self-talk:
Negative self-talk typically contains one of these thoughts:
· Generalization: ‘I have already been left twice – people will always
leave me.’· Rash conclusions: ‘Why doesn’t she call? I think she doesn’t like me.’
· Self-blame: ‘I should have done differently’ or ‘I’m a bad father.’
Positive self-talk is about breaking through the above negative patterns of
thought. It’s not about convincing yourself that life is great, but rather
about freeing yourself from a cycle of negative thinking. For example, if
you say: ‘I’ll never manage it’, ask yourself instead: ‘What can I do in
order to manage it?’
In a nutshell: self-talk serves two different functions: first,
concentration; and, second, motivation.
‘[Talking to myself] is the only way I can be sure of intelligent
conversation.’
‘Edmund Blackadder’