What happens below the surface
One of the most frequently cited and simplest but also most inscrutable of
all communication theories is the Iceberg Theory.
Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, believed that human
behaviour is governed above all by the unconscious – like an iceberg,
where only the tip protrudes from the water, while the usually much bigger
and mostly invisible part is below the surface. (At this point, it should be
mentioned that we do not know for sure who came up with this brilliant
metaphor – it certainly wasn’t Freud; some say it was Hemingway, who in
the 1930s claimed that an author does not have to explicitly reveal the
deeper meaning of a story (see ‘The Six-Word Rule’). It is sufficient if,
like an iceberg, only a tenth is visible above water.
If we apply this rule to communication, we could say that the visible,
conscious part of a discussion is the factual level (what we say or what we
talk about), while the unconscious part is the interpersonal level (how we
say it and what we really mean) – see ‘Lasswell’s Communication Model’
and ‘Watzlawick’s Axiom Theory’. This means we can control the factual
level, we can select our words consciously, but our gestures, facial
expression and tone of voice will betray our unconscious secret hopes,
repressed conflicts, traumatic experiences, base motives and animal
instincts, and appeal to the other person’s unconscious. The interpersonal
level decides how we will be perceived and how we perceive others.
The more we know about another person’s values, patterns of behaviour,
motives – in other words, the more we see of the iceberg – the better we
can understand the person’s words and actions. The best way to ‘lower the
waterline’ of your opponent or partner is to show more of yourself. If you,
for example, want someone to admit something, start by talking honestly
about your own mistakes.
‘Fear and hope are alike underneath.’
Richard Ford