How to answer the question: ‘How do I look?’
The truth is, all people lie. In certain situations – such as when we are
under pressure, have to justify ourselves, or want to make a good
impression – we tend more towards fibbing and telling tales than when we
feel relaxed and self-secure. But, from an ethical point of view, not every
lie is bad. You might, for example, lie in order to protect someone. In
communication theory, lies fall into two categories: do I benefit from the
lie or does the person I lied to benefit? This results in four different
outcomes.
- White lie – only the person lied to benefits: this is a fine, selfless lie
in which you risk potential loss to help someone out. Here, you typically
put yourself in the position of the person and, for example, defend the
existence of Santa Claus in the knowledge that the lie will be exposed in
due time. This altruistic lie gives us a good feeling.- Grey lie – both the liar and the person lied to benefit: ‘You’ve lost
weight!’ Grey lies are often part of cultural norms. In many situations,
when you ask: ‘How are you?’, you expect a lie in response: ‘Thank
you, things are great!’- Black lie – only the liar benefits: although you are guilty, you reject all
accusations: ‘No, I didn’t take the money!’ It is often also a bold
promise, a proactive lie: ‘If I am elected I will never raise taxes ...’
Here, bare-faced lying is used to your own advantage.- Red lie – no one benefits: this is the lowest form of lying. Saying
something with complete awareness that the other person knows the
statement to be false, even if you sometimes end up also inflicting
damage on yourself: ‘The largest audience ever to witness an
inauguration.’‘If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.’
Mark Twain