How much distance we keep from other people
Perhaps you know the feeling: you’re sitting in the cinema, the film hasn’t
started yet, the auditorium is barely a third full, and several rows are
completely empty. Someone comes in, looks around, walks past the empty
seats – and sits down right next to you! The feeling that you now have is
called ‘expectancy violation’. You expected something different – that the
person would find an empty seat, not one right next to you. In 1985, the
American Judee Burgoon developed the Expectancy Violations Theory,
which analyses how our expectations of another person affect the way we
respond to unanticipated violations of these expectations or social norms.
According to Burgoon, the following rules apply in the Western world with
regard to keeping our distance:
- Intimate space (elbow room): up to 50 cm. Within this space, we
expect to be touched by the other person. It is reserved for close family,
lovers and pets.- Personal space: 50–120 cm. The typical distance we keep from
somebody we are talking to.- Social space: 120–360 cm. The distance we keep from people we do not
know, with whom we do not communicate, but whom we have nothing
against.- Public space: 360 cm or more. This distance is best explained if we ask
ourselves: which people do we avoid?Of course, it is not only about distance, but also about physical and eye
contact. If someone turns away from us while we are speaking, it violates
our expectations of the conversation. This is most easily observed in
romantic relationships, where the usage of smartphones and social media
is for many a strong sign of divided attention and a source for trouble.
The distance we keep is also influenced by cultural and situational
norms. Different distance rules apply to dancing in a club and studying in
a library. In Switzerland, people greet one another with three little kisses;
in the USA, this would be regarded as too close for comfort.