Chapter 8 Fromm: Humanistic Psychoanalysis 233relate to the world: (1) submission, (2) power, and (3) love. A person can submit
to another, to a group, or to an institution in order to become one with the world.
“In this way he transcends the separateness of his individual existence by becoming
part of somebody or something bigger than himself and experiences his identity in
connection with the power to which he has submitted” (Fromm, 1981, p. 2).
Whereas submissive people search for a relationship with domineering peo-
ple, power seekers welcome submissive partners. When a submissive person and
a domineering person find each other, they frequently establish a symbiotic rela-
tionship, one that is satisfying to both partners. Although such symbiosis may be
gratifying, it blocks growth toward integrity and psychological health. The two
partners “live on each other and from each other, satisfying their craving for close-
ness, yet suffering from the lack of inner strength and self-reliance which would
require freedom and independence” (Fromm, 1981, p. 2).
People in symbiotic relationships are drawn to one another not by love but
by a desperate need for relatedness, a need that can never be completely satisfied
by such a partnership. Underlying the union are unconscious feelings of hostility.
People in symbiotic relationships blame their partners for not being able to com-
pletely satisfy their needs. They find themselves seeking additional submission or
power, and as a result, they become more and more dependent on their partners
and less and less of an individual.
Fromm believed that love is the only route by which a person can become
united with the world and, at the same time, achieve individuality and integrity.
He defined love as a “union with somebody, or something outside oneself under
the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one’s own self ”
(Fromm, 1981, p. 3). Love involves sharing and communion with another, yet it
allows a person the freedom to be unique and separate. It enables a person to
satisfy the need for relatedness without surrendering integrity and independence.
In love, two people become one yet remain two.
In The Art of Loving, Fromm (1956) identified care, responsibility, respect,
and knowledge as four basic elements common to all forms of genuine love. Some-
one who loves another person must care for that person and be willing to take care
of him or her. Love also means responsibility, that is, a willingness and ability to
respond. A person who loves others responds to their physical and psychological
needs, respects them for who they are, and avoids the temptation of trying to
change them. But people can respect others only if they have knowledge of them.
To know others means to see them from their own point of view. Thus, care,
responsibility, respect, and knowledge are all entwined in a love relationship.
Transcendence
Like other animals, humans are thrown into the world without their consent or will
and then removed from it—again without their consent or will. But unlike other
animals, human beings are driven by the need for transcendence, defined as the urge
to rise above a passive and accidental existence and into “the realm of purposeful-
ness and freedom” (Fromm, 1981, p. 4). Just as relatedness can be pursued through
either productive or nonproductive methods, transcendence can be sought through
either positive or negative approaches. People can transcend their passive nature by