LOVEpigeon pecked at its lever like a bureaucrat stamping an endless pile of
documents.
Then Skinner tried something different. He set up an experiment
in which the number of presses needed to release a pellet changed ran-
domly. Now the pigeon never knew when the food would come. Every
reward was unexpected. The birds became excited. They pecked faster.
Something was spurring them on to greater efforts. Dopamine, the
molecule of surprise, had been harnessed, and the scientific foundation
of the slot machine was born.
When Samantha saw her old boyfriend, all the feelings came rush-
ing back—excitement, possibility, focus, butterflies. She wasn’t on the
prowl for romance, but she didn’t have to be. Demarco’s appearance,
and the half-conscious dream of another chance at passionate excite-
ment, was an unexpected treat dropped into her emotional life, and
that surprise was the source of her excitement. Samantha, of course,
didn’t know that.
She and Demarco decide to meet again for a drink, and it goes
well. They decide to have lunch the next day, too, and pretty soon
their meetings become a standing “date.” The feelings are exhilarating.
They touch when they talk. They hug when they part. When they are
together, the time flies, just like when they dated before—and, when
she thinks about it, just like it used to be with Shawn. Maybe, she thinks,
Demarco’s the one. But with an understanding of the role of dopamine,
it’s clear that this relationship is not something new. It’s just another
repetition of dopamine-driven excitement.
The novelty that triggers dopamine doesn’t go on forever. When
it comes to love, the loss of passionate romance will always happen
eventually, and then comes a choice. We can transition to a love that’s
fed by a day-to-day appreciation of that other person in the here and
now, or we can end the relationship and go in search of another roller
coaster ride. Choosing the dopaminergic kick takes little effort, but it
ends fast, like the pleasure of eating a Twinkie. Love that lasts shifts the
emphasis from anticipation to experience; from the fantasy of anything
being possible to engagement with reality and all its imperfections. The
transition is difficult, and when the world presents an easy way out of a