DOMINATIONTENACITYI have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
—Thomas A. EdisonA young man who had recently graduated from college came to see a mental
health specialist because he found himself unable to navigate his new world.
He hadn’t distinguished himself at school, but he had gotten by and man-
aged to graduate in the usual four years. He believed that the structure of
school and the built-in pressure to get things done on time had helped keep
him on track. Now he was lost.
He didn’t have a job, and he didn’t know what he wanted to do. The only
thing that interested him was smoking marijuana. He had a job waiting tables
for a little while but got fired for showing up late or skipping work entirely. His
father got him an office job, but he lost that as well because it was obvious to
everyone in the office that he had no interest in the work he was given. He was
careless and bored, and eventually people just avoided him.
It was the same with relationships. While he was in college he had a
long-term relationship with a young woman, but after graduation she broke
up with him. His therapist thought that was a good thing because she had
exploited him, making him buy her gifts and asking him to do all sorts of
chores while showing no signs of affection. The young man knew she didn’t
care about him, but he kept going back anyway, hoping to restart the rela-
tionship. She refused, but continued to take advantage of him in whatever
way she could; for example, asking him to drive four hours to bring her a
table lamp she wanted for her apartment.
The therapy was a failure. Therapy is hard work, and this young man
didn’t have it in him. He tried four different therapists who used a variety
of techniques, but nothing changed. Three years later he still didn’t know
what he wanted to do with his life, still smoked marijuana, and was still
trying to get back together with his old girlfriend.The world doesn’t always work the way we expect it to. We learn at an
early age that Scotch tape does a great job fixing tears in paper, but it