DOMINATIONtwice, and by this time he had given up on relationships, devoting himself
entirely to his work.
His anger had become progressively worse over the years. On one occa-
sion he was ejected from a grocery store for screaming obscenities at a woman
who had bumped his shopping cart, and on another he was arrested after
shoving a taxi driver during a disagreement over the fare. The charges had
been dropped, and James maintained he had been fully justified in what he
did. Now, however, he was worried. His job meant everything to him, and
he was willing to do anything to keep it, even confront his past.
James had little emotional resiliency and his therapist worried that
digging into the trauma would activate disturbing emotions and make his
behavior worse before it got better. So before they began to explore the past,
they talked about ways to make the present a little less stressful. The ther-
apist wanted to find a way to reduce the constant conflict James had with
pretty much everyone he met. So she taught James to be manipulative.
It would be a long time before James could trust anyone, but he wasn’t
stupid. He quickly learned that he could get his way more easily by smiling
at people instead of glaring at them. He began to greet his coworkers in the
morning, not because he cared about them, but because it made it easier to
get them to finish projects on time. He ordered pizza for his team when they
had to work late and complimented people on their appearance. He became
a master manipulator.
And he enjoyed it. He liked the new source of power he had found, but
he also liked the smiles he got back. A turning point occurred when one of
the administrative assistants burst into his office in tears, telling him that
someone had opened a credit card account in her name and now she was
being threatened by a collections agency. She had chosen him for comfort and
advice. Later that week he and his therapist began to talk about his past.So far we have focused on domination as primarily a solo pursuit, but
we cannot achieve every goal by ourselves. Consider domination that
requires working with other people.
A relationship that is formed for the purpose of accomplishing a
goal is called agentic, and it is orchestrated by dopamine. The other per-
son acts as an extension of you, an agent who assists you in achieving