A charming philosophy, is it not?
Achilles: Indeed. Old Bach was a turner of phrases quite pleasin'.
Crab: You took the very words from my mouth. You know, in my time I
have tried to write clever verses. But I fear mine don't measure up to
much. I don't have such a way with words.
Achilles: Oh, come now, Mr. Crab. You have-how to put it?-quite a
penchant for trick'ry and teasin'. I'd be honored if you'd sing me one
of your songs, Mr. C.
Crab: I'm most flattered. How about if I play you a record of myself
singing one of my efforts? I don't remember when it dates from. Its
title is "A Song Without Time or Season".
Achilles: How poetic!(The Crab pulls a record from his shelves, and walks over to a huge,
complex piece of apparatus. He opens it up, and inserts the record into an
ominous-looking mechanical mouth. Suddenly a bright flash of greenish
light sweeps over the surface of the record, and after a moment, the record
is silently whisked into some hidden belly of the fantastic machine. A
moment passes, and then the strains of the Crab's voice ring out.)A turner of phrases quite pleasin',
Had a penchant for trick'ry and teasin'.
In his songs, the last line
Might seem sans design;
What I mean is, without why or wherefore.Achilles: Lovely! Only, I'm puzzled by one thing. It seems to me that in
your song, the last line is-
Crab: Sans design?
Achilles: No ... What I mean is, without rhyme or reason.
Crab: You could be right.
Achilles: Other than that, it's a very nice song, but I must say I am even
more intrigued by this monstrously complex contraption. Is it merely
an oversized record player?
Crab: Oh, no, it's much more than that. This is my Tortoise-chomping
record player.
Achilles: Good grief!
Crab: Well, I don't mean that it chomps up Tortoises. But it chomps up
records produced by Mr. Tortoise.
Achilles: Whew! That's a little milder. Is this part of that weird musical
battle that evolved between you and Mr. T some time ago?
Crab: In a way. Let me explain a little more fully. You see, Mr. Tortoise's
sophistication had reached the point where he seemed to be able to
destroy almost any record player I would obtain.
Achilles: But when I last heard about your rivalry, it seemed to me you had
at last come into possession of an invincible phonograph-one with a
Edifying Thoughts of a Tobacco Smoker 483