The Psychology of Friendship - Oxford University Press (2016)

59

4

The Hackneyed Notions

of Adult “Same- Sex”

and “Opposite- Sex” Friendships

Michael Monsour

When I was first asked to contribute a chapter to this book and supplied with the
preliminary working title of “Same- and Opposite- Sex Friendships,” my initial reac-
tion to the invitation and the title was positive. I agreed with the editors that there
was a need for an edited volume on friendship that included multidisciplinary and
cutting- edge views on this very important relationship. Although my excitement
about writing this chapter has never waned, careful reflection on the title created
serious misgivings about implicit assumptions embedded in it. The working title,
which I  was free to accept, reject, or change, indirectly suggested that friendships
and gender could be conveniently bifurcated into two broad categories:  same- sex
and opposite- sex. An artificial gender binary (female and male) imposed on an arbi-
trary friendship typology (same- sex and opposite- sex friendships).
Coincidentally, Bill Rawlins and I had just finished publishing an article in which
we argued for a less restrictive and more inclusive approach to conceptualizing friend-
ships between members of different genders and/ or biological sexes, and by extension,
friendships between members of the same sex as well (Monsour & Rawlins, 2014).
Our qualitative interviews with transitioning transsexuals about their “opposite- sex”
friendships had dramatically demonstrated to both of us that the hackneyed notions
of “same- ” and “opposite- ” sex friendships and the gender binary that reinforced those
notions needed to be reexamined. But there had been another event in my life, much
more compelling and personal than my career as a friendship and gender scholar, that
gave me reservations about assumptions embedded in the title.
From 2005 to 2009 I had been involved in a close friendship with a postopera-
tive male to female transsexual. It was a wonderfully enriching friendship in which
I  found myself, quite unintentionally, being both a participant and an observer. As
an observer, I  noticed that Susan (not her real name) usually embraced her femi-
ninity and being a woman. However, I also observed that when guest lecturing on