WE HAVE NO IDEA what the queen first thought when Harry and Meghan
announced their decision to step back from official obligations, allegedly
blindsiding Her Royal Highness. But the couple may have avoided a lot of
heartache—and international headlines—if the royals had had more consistent
and clarifying communication. It’s a lesson we should all take to heart.
“Often we reserve family meetings for crisis moments, when emotions and
tensions run high,” says Linda Miles, PhD, a psychotherapist in Tallahassee,
Florida, and the author of Change Your Story: Change Your Brain. “Regular
check-ins will help you and your family align, and it will be easier to get on
the same page if a crisis does occur.” Miles suggests having group talks about
key issues, such as aging parents, health concerns, and holiday traditions.
But the topics don’t always have to be so serious. Discussions of all kinds
can help your family become stronger, happier, and more harmonious than
ever. Here, some regular meetings every family should consider.The Family-Vacation ForumATTENDEES: Nuclear or
extended family
RECURRING: As needed
LOCATION: Dinner tableYou want a beach chair and books.
Your 12-year-old wants to Instagram
her way through New York City. And
your 7-year-old can’t stop hinting how
“educational” a trip to Epcot could be.
How do you align?
First, sit down and talk about what
vacation means to each of you, says
Gabe Saglie, a senior editor at the
website Travelzoo. Is it spending time
together? Trying new things? Remi-
nisce about the best vacations you’ve
taken, either as a family or before the
kids were born. This shifts planning
from “where we want to go” to “how
we want to feel.”
Your kids—and you—can also make
mood boards, online or on paper.
As the collages of amusement parks,
beaches, and monuments form, you
may see a common thread. A seasidevacation with boardwalk rides and
games plus scenic views of dunes,
surf, and sunsets could tick the boxes
for everyone. When the trip gets
closer, try the “top pick” strategy:
Everyone chooses the one thing they
really want to do on vacation. Maybe
your husband wants a surf lesson,
your son wants mini golf, and you
want a few hours on the sand with
your book. Fill the itinerary with these
highly desired activities.
If you’re planning a larger family
vacation, put a leaf in the table and
discuss budget expectations early.
Accept that compromise and alternative
plans may be in order. For example,
if your brother-in-law has sent you
several links to sprawling Tuscan
villas, let him know your family is
budgeting x for lodging and y for
transportation. The more concrete
you are about what you can spend,
the less chance of misunderstandings
and confusion, Saglie says. Who
knows? Your brother-in-law might
offer to cover the difference, be open
to the Sonoma trip you suggest, or
decide to go his separate way. Once
the budget is nailed down, touch
base weekly. Share itinerary ideas
via Pinterest boards, then employ the
“top pick” strategy.
NEXT STEPS: For an extended-family
trip, imagine the worst-case scenarios
(messy rental house, whiny kids) and
proactively set up systems to combat
them, Miles says. Creating a cleaning
chart or planning a few breaks (screen
time for everyone!) can make the trip
more restful and fun.RELATING66 REAL SIMPLE APRIL 20200420FAM.V1.indd 66 FINAL 2/21/20 3:12 PM