The Senior-Care SummitATTENDEES: Siblings
RECURRING: As needed
LOCATION: Conference call or textMom and Dad aren’t getting any younger—or sprightlier, or less
forgetful. But before you pass Dad a brochure for an assisted-living
community while he’s serving you his world-famous lasagna, reach
out to your siblings, Miles says. “Aligning can help you approach your
parents as a unified front.” This meeting should include siblings and
their spouses only, and it can be virtual—text, email, and video chats
all work. The point is to make sure everyone is operating with the
same info. Have Mom and Dad written a will, appointed an executor,
and created an advance directive? Do you know where important
documents are or whether a lawyer has helped draft them? Do any
siblings—especially the ones who see parents in person most often—
have any concerns about health or safety, or about the expense of
their care?
This check-in will help you assess what info you need from your
parents. It’s also a good time for you and your siblings to share how
you can step up as Mom and Dad start to need more help, Miles says.
“Local siblings often take on a large portion of caretaking, so it can
be helpful to offer practical assistance options now, before there’s
a crisis,” she explains. Maybe out-of-town siblings can contribute
financially, research estate planners or senior communities, or do
some repairs or cleaning during their visits home.
NEXT STEPS: If your parents are currently undergoing a health crisis,
it may help to create an information hub. Use Google Docs or a task-
based board, like Trello, to keep everyone in the loop about doctor
talks and updates. If your family is far-flung, an ongoing to-do list
can help you divvy tasks. “You don’t need to live nearby to research
physical therapists or place a standing grocery order,” Miles notes.The Gifting-Guidelines GatheringATTENDEES: Extended family
RECURRING: Yearly
LOCATION: Existing family
get-togetherThis is the year, you vow, to stop the
deluge of things from well-meaning
family members on birthdays and
other holidays. Rather than cringing
when a package with your in-laws’
return address arrives, make your
wishes known in a low-key way,
Miles says. Bring up the topic in per-
son toward the end of a visit. Mention
how much you and the kids enjoyed
everyone’s company and that you’re
looking forward to making even more
memories, Miles says. Then drive home
your point.
Instead of saying, “Please don’t
give us the five-foot-tall pink plastic
kitchen,” focus on what they can give.
For example: “As we come up on
Ellie’s birthday, we’ve been thinking68 REAL SIMPLE APRIL 2020RELATING0420FAM.V1.indd 68 FINAL 2/21/20 3:12 PM