100 W H A T EVERY BODY IS SAYING
in the overall scheme of nonverbal assessment. For that reason, it is im-
portant that we wear clothes that are congruent with the messages we
want to send others, assuming we want to influence their behavior in a
way that is positive or beneficial to us.
When choosing your wardrobe and accessories, always remain cogni-
zant of the message you are sending with your clothing and the meaning
that others may perceive from your dress. Also consider that although
you may deliberately want to use your attire to send a signal to one per-
son or group of people at a specific time and place, you may have to pass
a lot of other people who are not as receptive to your message along the
way!
At seminars I frequently ask the question, “How many of you were
dressed by your mother today?” Of course everyone laughs, and no one
raises his hand. Then I say, “Well, then, you—all of you—chose to dress
the way you did.” That is when they all look around them and, perhaps
for the first time, realize that they could do a better job of dressing and
presenting themselves. After all, before two people first meet, the only
input each has to go on about the other is physical appearance and other
nonverbal communications. Perhaps it’s time to consider how you are
being perceived.BOX 25: WE AREN’T ALWAYS WHO WE APPEAR TO BEClearly, we have to be careful when we assess a person on the basis of
clothing only, as it can sometimes lead to the wrong conclusion. I was in
London last year at a very nice hotel just four blocks from Buckingham
Palace where all of the staff, including the maids, wore Armani suits. If I
had seen them on the train going to work, I could easily have been misled
as to their relative social status. So remember, because it is culturally
prescribed and easily manipulated, clothing is only part of the nonverbal
picture. We assess clothing to determine whether it is sending a message,
not to judge people based on their attire.